Results 1 to 5 of 5
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • German
      • Home Country:
      • Germany
      • Current Location:
      • Germany

    • Join Date: Jun 2011
    • Posts: 3
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #1

    Is this text grammatically correct?

    Hi,

    please can you tell me if these sentences are correct. It seems like there are some mistakes I haven't already found. By the way thanks to all of you who read and answer this post.

    Best Regards,
    sidman47



    Here's the text:


    It was a slightly cold Friday night on November 25th in my hometown Lincolnshire, England. The stars were sparkling softly from the sky and a painful wind that felt like an icy-cold breath out of devil's mouth was blowing directly to my face. Do you remember such a feeling when you have some kind of foreboding.
    Last edited by sidman47; 19-Jun-2011 at 08:47.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • German
      • Home Country:
      • Germany
      • Current Location:
      • Germany

    • Join Date: Jun 2011
    • Posts: 3
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Re: Is this text grammatically correct?

    Regarding to the sentence "Do you remember such a feeling when you had some kind of foreboding?" Why can't I say "... when you have some ..."?

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jun 2011
    • Posts: 5
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #3

    Re: Is this text grammatically correct?

    well this is my take.
    I would say either "hometown,Lincolnshire" or "hometown in Lincolnshire" since Lincolnshire is a region , not a town.

    Secondly "blowing to" is fine ,if a little poetic as I would take "to" to mean "towards" or "into"

    Thirdly to say "have" instead of "had" is good because it puts you in the moment but I think if you say " as when you have some kind of foreboding" it would be clearer but is that the exact sense of what you are trying to say?

    I think the use of "such" may require a following "as"
    But if you are just associating "such" with "feeling" without an explicit comparison then the sense of " when you have some kind of foreboding" is different and I can't determine what was the sense of what you were trying to express there.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Taiwan
      • Current Location:
      • Australia

    • Join Date: Nov 2011
    • Posts: 11
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #4

    Re: Is this text grammatically correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by geordief View Post
    well this is my take.
    I would say either "hometown,Lincolnshire" or "hometown in Lincolnshire" since Lincolnshire is a region , not a town.

    Secondly "blowing to" is fine ,if a little poetic as I would take "to" to mean "towards" or "into"

    Thirdly to say "have" instead of "had" is good because it puts you in the moment but I think if you say " as when you have some kind of foreboding" it would be clearer but is that the exact sense of what you are trying to say?

    I think the use of "such" may require a following "as"
    But if you are just associating "such" with "feeling" without an explicit comparison then the sense of " when you have some kind of foreboding" is different and I can't determine what was the sense of what you were trying to express there.

    I'll prefer to use 'have' too instead of 'had' to show the "in the moment" spirit. But like what geordief said, it depends on what you are trying to convey. Are you "recalling something"? If yes, use past tense.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Nov 2011
    • Posts: 59
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #5

    Re: Is this text grammatically correct?

    This is how I would revise the text while keeping it close to the original:

    Quote Originally Posted by sidman47 View Post
    It was a slightly cold Friday night on November 25th in my hometown, Lincolnshire, England. The stars were sparkling softly from the sky. A painful wind that felt like an ice-cold breath out of a devil's mouth was blowing directly into my face. A feeling of dread *
    Placing a comma before Lincolnshire, England sets it apart as an appositive and more clearly marks it as your hometown. chompchomp.com/terms/appositive.htm

    I separated the second sentence into two different sentences since it was a run-on.
    grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm

    I changed "wind blowing directly to my face" into "blowing directly into my face" because in the first version, it makes it seem as though all of the wind that existed was blowing into the speaker's face rather than the speaker facing the wind.

    The last sentence is awkward in general. It breaks the verb tense used previously. And stops the story to ask a question in the present tense. If you start with the one tense, you have to use it throughout.
    Note: In English, we have feelings of foreboding (dread is a good synonym.) We don't have foreboding.

    I'm a native American English speaker. If there is something you don't understand, let me know. I am not used to conversing with ESL learners.

Similar Threads

  1. Are these grammatically correct
    By Zoe2008 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 31-Oct-2009, 12:53
  2. which is grammatically correct?
    By lisa*** in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 21-Feb-2008, 07:33
  3. Which one is the grammatically correct one?
    By Super Sonic in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 27-Oct-2007, 02:25
  4. pease correct this text grammatically
    By sara_angel in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 16-Oct-2006, 07:42
  5. Grammatically correct?
    By burgerline08 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 08-Sep-2006, 01:17

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •