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  1. #1
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    Sep 2005
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    Arrow I need your help to correct my writing

    Would you please correct my writing and give your comment about the topic sentence, supporting sentences, and conclution of the paragraph, are they have coherence and unity? thank you for helping.(Don't worry this is not my homework, I just want to know my ability because my teacher didn't examine our works)

    Falling in love is just like a nightmare. It is because he is always in your mind. In everywhere you go or everything you do he always follows you like a shadow. It is OK if you can handle it, but if you not, you will find difficult to do your activities. Beside that your feeling will make you little bit unrealistic about that person. You think that he is the best men in the world. You don't realize that he is just same as the others. You can't realize bad things about him because you only the good things. You are just comfort in your dream about him and you don't prepare if something you don't like comes to broke it. Moreover, all the things about him will really influence you. You may like his favorites although you have never like it before. Sometimes you do the things as he does although you have never done it before. You will think all about him are beautiful. The most common thing is that you are really care to him and actually it wastes your time. Furthermore, the worst thing is if your feeling and his are not same, it will make your heart broken. Why are those so? Because actually you just live in your dream and when somebody wakes you up, you will realize it just makes you hurt.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
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    Default Re: I need your help to correct my writing

    In everywhere you go or everything you do he always follows you like a shadow- 'in' goes with 'everything you do' not 'everywhere you go'
    It is OK if you can handle it, but if you not,- if you cannot/can't
    You can't realize bad things about him- see the bad things, or something similar
    you only the good things- verb missing
    You are just comfort in your dream about him- you just feel comfortable in your dreams...
    and you don't prepare if something you don't like comes to broke it- you are not prepared for when things go wrong
    You may like his favorites although you have never like it before.- favorite things... never liked them
    Sometimes you do the things as he does although you have never done it- thiongs he does... them
    You will think all about him are beautiful- everything about him is
    you are really care to him- you really care about him
    if your feeling- feelings
    it will make your heart broken- it will break your heart
    Why are those so- Why is this so?

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