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  1. #1
    mskatrinag is offline Newbie
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    Default Please Revise My Paper and Thank You in Advance

    **According to my professor, my content is good but I have "extremely serious writing issues"**** Please help revise my paper. This paper should be in MLA format. Thank you so much!


    Mrs. Nuvo has pancreatic cancer and strongly believes that she has a very small chance of living for another year. According to the statistic report given by Dr. Lupe, even with the best treatments, there is a low rate of survival for patients with this type of disease. Therefore, Mrs. Nuvo has refused to be treated at all. Mrs. Nuvo indicated that she would like to spend her remaining time at home with her loved ones rather than in the hospital, suffering from pain and agony of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Dr. Lupe tells her that the statistics apply to the general people and it may not necessarily apply to her. He also informed her of medications she could take to help lessen the pain and discomfort she may feel during her treatments. Despite of it all, Mrs. Nuvo seemed to be adamant on her decision and only wants something to control the pain and wants to go home.

    In this scenario, I am applying the ethical theory of Utilitarianism. First, we take a look at Mrs. Nuvo’s situation. She may be experiencing a wide range of feelings and emotions as cancer is not always an easy matter to deal with. Her emotions may have clouded her mind to a point where she’s not making good decisions and not considering what the doctor’s recommend. In preference utilitarianism, there is no clear-cut way to determine what action is likely to produce the best outcome for an individual, therefore, consideration of intrinsic value is replaced with consideration of actual preferences; what the person want, desires or prefer (Munson, pp. 869). In this case, Mrs. Nuvo prefers to avoid any treatments and accept the reality of her illness. This may not be the best action, but it is what she desires. Ultimately, what will bring her the most happiness is spending her last days with her family rather than being confined in a hospital. The principle of utility would probably consider undergoing treatment as there are better outcome than bad in this situation. According to the theory, “the action we take may produce some unhappiness, but it is a balance of happiness over unhappiness that the principle tells us to seek,” (Munson, pp. 863). Therefore, Dr. Lupe should persuade Mrs. Nuvo in getting the treatments. If Mrs. Nuvo allows herself to be treated then she has a good chance of surviving. It is true that chemotherapy and radiation treatments may not always be effective and can cause a great deal of discomfort for a while. But, on balance, if the treatments are successful, then it will likely stop or delay the progression of the diseases. She will then feel better and possibly live longer, which in this case, produces more happiness than unhappiness. According to Bentham and Mill, the greatest happiness principle is when an action is right if it produces the greatest happiness for the greatest number of people. I’m not sure if Mrs. Nuvo has informed her family about her current situation and if she has, I’m sure that they are not pleased with her decision. No one wants to lose a loved one. Therefore, she should consider her family’s feelings as I am sure that her family wants her to undergo treatments in the chance that she may survive the cancer and prolong her life. By making this decision to undergo treatments, she will not only produce happiness for herself, but for her family as well.

    Mrs. Nuvo has a fighting chance and she should do more research and educate herself about the treatments and other alternative ways before making her decision. It is true that pancreatic cancer is serious, and it does take lives. But she must not lose sight of the fact that there are many survivors out there, too.

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is online now VIP Member
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    Default Re: Please Revise My Paper and Thank You in Advance

    Quote Originally Posted by mskatrinag View Post
    **According to my professor, my content is good but I have "extremely serious writing issues"**** Please help revise my paper. This paper should be in MLA format. Thank you so much!
    Your professor is wrong. If this is your work, and this is your normal standard, you do not have "extremely serious writing issues" unless you are planning to submit this essay for publication.
    You write better than most native speakers. If your professor is an American Professor of Ethics (as it appears he is), he possibly has problems with overseas students

    Mrs. Nuvo has pancreatic cancer and strongly believes that she has a very small chance of living for another year. According to the statistics report given by Dr. Lupe, even with the best treatments, there is a low rate of survival for patients with this type of disease. Therefore, Mrs. Nuvo has refused to be treated at all. Mrs. Nuvo indicated that she would like to spend her remaining time at home with her loved ones rather than in the hospital, suffering from pain and agony of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Dr. Lupe tells her that the statistics apply to the general people and it may not necessarily apply to her. He also informed her of medications she could take to help lessen the pain and discomfort she may feel during her treatments. Despite of it all, Mrs. Nuvo seemed to be adamant on about her decision and only wants something to control the pain and wants to go home.

    In this scenario, I am applying the ethical theory of Utilitarianism. First, we take a look at Mrs. Nuvo’s situation. She may be experiencing a wide range of feelings and emotions as cancer is not always an easy matter to deal with. Her emotions may have clouded her mind to a point where she’s not making good decisions and not considering what the doctors recommend. In preference utilitarianism, there is no clear-cut way to determine what action is likely to produce the best outcome for an individual, therefore, consideration of intrinsic value is replaced with consideration of actual preferences; what the person wants, desires or prefers (Munson, pp. 869). In this case, Mrs. Nuvo prefers to avoid any treatments and accept the reality of her illness. This may not be the best action, but it is what she desires. Ultimately, what will bring her the most happiness is spending her last days with her family rather than being confined in a hospital. The principle of utility would probably consider undergoing treatment as there are better outcomes than bad in this situation. According to the theory, “the action we take may produce some unhappiness, but it is a balance of happiness over unhappiness that the principle tells us to seek,” (Munson, pp. 863). Therefore, Dr. Lupe should persuade Mrs. Nuvo in getting to have the treatments. If Mrs. Nuvo allows herself to be treated then she has a good chance of surviving. It is true that chemotherapy and radiation treatments may not always be effective and can cause a great deal of discomfort for a while. But, on balance, if the treatments are successful, then it will likely stop or delay the progression of the diseases. She will then feel better and possibly live longer, which in this case, produces more happiness than unhappiness. According to Bentham and Mill, the greatest happiness principle is when an action is right if it produces the greatest happiness for the greatest number of people. I’m not sure if Mrs. Nuvo has informed her family about her current situation and if she has, I’m sure that they are not pleased with her decision. No one wants to lose a loved one. Therefore, she should consider her family’s feelings as I am sure that her family wants her to undergo treatments in the chance that she may survive the cancer and prolong her life. By making this decision to undergo treatments, she will not only produce happiness for herself, but for her family as well.

    Mrs. Nuvo has a fighting chance and she should do more research and educate herself about the treatments and other alternative ways before making her decision. It is true that pancreatic cancer is serious, and it does take lives. But she must not lose sight of the fact that there are many survivors out there, too.
    I can't really comment on the content, since you haven't given us the question, or stated what you are writing about.
    I'm at a loss - There are only a few grammatical errors here. Did your professor identify any of your "serious issues" specifically?

  3. #3
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Please Revise My Paper and Thank You in Advance

    Your professor is not earning his/her salary unless he/she reviews with you your paper and your "writing issues".

  4. #4
    mskatrinag is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please Revise My Paper and Thank You in Advance

    Raymott: Thank you so much for revising my paper. And yes, my professor is an American Professor of Ethics and WAS a medical malpractice attorney too. And as I've heard before that she does not seem to like overseas students :(

    I did email her today and asked her to be more specific on "extremely serious writing issues" and she replied,

    -Your writing style is awkward.

    -You do not know when to use semicolons vs. colons.

    -You do not consistently maintain tenses within sentences.

    In one case, you used an apostrophe inappropriately.

    She also told me to seek a graduate student at the writing center at my school to help me revise my paper.

    Anyway, she had us select one of the decision scenarios from our book and to apply one of the ethical theories: Utilitarianism, Kantianism or Natural Law. Which in the first paragraph, I summarized the scenario and applied the Utilitarianism theory. She gave me a 62 out of 65 on the CONTENT, but gave me 5 out of 35 on the WRITING. But she gave me a chance to revise the paper so I can get a better grade. So hopefully, this will! thank you and I will make those changes.

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