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  1. #1
    Aleezamo is offline Newbie
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    Default can anyone plzzz plzzz correct this essay for me? short essay

    If you were given one million dollars to spend how would you spend it?
    If I were given one million dollars I would open schools, build households and rest of the money would be given to a charity. There are many homeless people and they are dying of hunger. They do not have any place to live; so I would build as many households as I could. I will also provide them aid and nurses; who will stay in the households with them. On the hand, there are a lot of young youth who want to go to school, but they cannot go; because they do not have enough money, support and resources. So, I would build schools and I will provide free education to all the poor people. I would never ever want anyone to left behind; just because they did not have enough money to educate themselves. Also, there are many people who have terrible diseases and they stay in the hospitals. I would give money to every kind of hospitals; so there would be enough money for everyone to heal themselves. These people live a new life everyday. They invoke a bright and a new hope inside of themselves. They fight against their diseases because they want to live a normal life; just like everyone else in the world. I would never ever want to see anyone die; just because they did not have enough money to overcome from their illness. I would give up my whole entire life to save someone's life.

  2. #2
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: can anyone plzzz plzzz correct this essay for me? short essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Aleezamo View Post
    If you were given one million dollars to spend how would you spend it?
    If I were given one million dollars, I would open schools, build households and the rest of the money would be given to a charity. There are many homeless people and they are dying of hunger. They do not have any place to live; so I would build as many households (OR homes OR shelters as I could. I willwould also provide them aid and nursesround-the-clock nursing care; who will stay in the households with them. On the hand, There are a lot of young youth who want to go to school, but they cannot go; because they do not have enough money, support and resources. So, I would build schools and I will would provide free education to all the poor people. I would never ever want anyone to be left behind; just because they did not have enough money to educate themselves. Also, there are many people who have terrible diseases and they stay in the hospitals. I would give money to every kind of hospitalsso there would be enough money for everyone to heal themselvesrecover. These people could live a new life everyday. They could invoke a bright and a new hope inside of themselves. They would fight against their diseases because they want to live a normal life; just like everyone else in the world. I would never ever want to see anyone die; just because they did not have enough money to overcome from their illness. I would give up my whole entire life to save someone's life.
    A few suggestions and some of your semicolons are not necessary.

  3. #3
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: can anyone plzzz plzzz correct this essay for me? short essay

    And please stick to a simple please.

    All those unnecessary zs don't impress anybody.

    Rover

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