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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default The hidden racism

    Please, would you proofread my text.

    When one hears the word racism, one thinks about abusive behaviour towards members of another race, or the belief that one race is superior over the other. This kind of racism is easy to uncover because it is obvious, cruel and inhuman. But how to describe the hidden racism, which is not visible, but which is likewise harmful like the first mentioned.
    Let us now see how that hidden racism functions in Sweden, in the country which prides itself to be one of the best and most equal in the world.
    We can imagine a young man in his twenties who came to Sweden as a refugee as a child, together with his family. He is too young to remember his homeland and the only knowledge he has about it is through the stories he has heard from his parents.
    In his new homeland, he learns fast and he is one of the best students in his class. He studies hard at university and he succeeds to obtain his PhD degree. He is overjoyed and his family proud of him.
    Then after some weeks, the young man tries to find a job. He believes that companies all around the country will fight against each other to employ him. He sends his applications to some of them and soon experiences his first disappointment. They are not interested in him. They do not even grant him an interview. They do not care that his marks are highest possible, that he is full of knowledge, enthusiasm and energy.

    The young man is still an optimist. He sends his applications to twenty, thirty, forty different companies. And he receives the same answer.
    He is so desperate and sad that he becomes depressive. He would rather be dead than walk the streets jobless and idle.
    And who knows what would have happened to the young man if he had not met another immigrant who explained to him the reason for his failure. He simply has the wrong name! If he ever wants to find a job, he has to change his Muslim name into a Swedish one.
    At the beginning, the young man does not want to believe him. But as time goes by, he understands that the man is right. So one day the young man goes to the Swedish Tax Agency, fills in some forms, and like by a trick of a magician he receives a Swedish name Andreas. He feels terrible. He has betrayed his own family, despite his parents giving him their full support.

    The young man now sends his applications under his new name and lo and behold, everyone wants him. He is invited to dozens of interviews, managers are patting him friendly on his shoulder, they smile at him and treat him with expensive drinks and meals. The young man would rather smash their faces and spit at them, but he smiles too and talk friendly, because he knows that everyone in this country wears a mask.

    Whenever I hear tourists praising Sweden and Swedes I think how lucky they are. They are here only on a short visit and they do know nothing about what is hidden behind the well-ordered society. Indeed, sometimes is better to be ignorant.

  2. #2
    throllen is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: The hidden racism

    When one hears the word racism, one thinks about the abusive behaviour towards different ethnical groups, or the belief that one's group is superior over the other. This kind of racism is easy to uncover because it is obvious, cruel and inhuman. But to describe the hidden racism, which is not visible, and is likewise harmful like the first mentioned, we now look at the hidden racism in Sweden, a country which prides itself to be one of the best and most equal in the world.

    Consider a young man in his twenties, who was just a child when he had escaped to Sweden with his family as refugee. As a child, he was too young to remember his homeland and the only had a glimpse of its knowledge from the his parents' stories.

    In his new homeland, He studies hard at university and succeeds in obtaining his PhD. He is overjoyed and his family is proud of him.
    Then after some weeks, the young man tries to find a job with a belief that companies all around the country will fight against each other to employ him. He sends his applications to some of them and soon experiences his first disappointment. They are not interested in him. They do not even grant him an interview; those employers do not care that he is intelligent, enthusiastic and energetic.

    But the young man doesn't give up. He sends his applications to twenty, thirty, forty different companies. And he receives the same answer.
    He is so desperate and sad that he becomes depressive. He would rather be dead than walk the streets jobless and idle.
    And who knows what would have happened to the young man if he had not met another immigrant who explained to him the reason for his failure. He simply has the wrong name! If he ever wants to find a job, he has to change his Muslim name into a Swedish one.
    At the beginning, the young man does not want to believe him. But as time goes by, he understands that the man is right. So one day the young man goes to the Swedish Tax Agency, fills in some forms, and like by a trick of a magician he receives a Swedish name Andreas. He feels terrible. He has betrayed his own family, despite his parents giving him their full support.

    The young man now sends his applications under his new name and lo and behold, everyone wants him. He is invited to dozens of interviews, managers are patting him friendly on his shoulder, they smile at him and treat him with expensive drinks and meals. The young man would rather smash their faces and spit at them, but he smiles too and talk friendly, because he knows that everyone in this country wears a mask.

    Whenever I hear tourists praising Sweden and Swedes I think how lucky they are. They are here only on a short visit and they do know nothing about what is hidden behind the well-ordered society. Indeed, sometimes is better to be ignorant.


    Ok, I gave up half way lol... there are too many things you need to fix

    1. verb tense. I see that all your tenses are in the present. This is something you need to fix. In your all your paragraphs, they are all in present tense and this is not correct. In your 2nd paragraph, you need to change it to past tense, as you are talking about his childhood experience.

    2. Run-on sentence. Yea, you have a lot of run on sentences. (comma slice, and incorrect usage of conjunctive adverb)

  3. #3
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: The hidden racism

    throllen

    Your knowledge of English is not better than mine, so please do not proofread people's texts, because you only make a mess.
    People need a native English speaker who can correct their mistakes and not someone who is a learner as themselves.

  4. #4
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: The hidden racism

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Please, would you proofread my text.

    When one hears the word racism, one thinks about abusive behaviour towards members of another race, or the belief that one race is superior to the other. This kind of racism is easy to uncover because it is obvious, cruel and inhuman. But how to how does one describe the hidden racism
    No, no, no. "How to <verb>" is not English!
    How can one/you; How do you; How could one; How would you ...
    , which is not visible, but which is likewise harmful like the first mentioned.

    Let us now see how that hidden racism functions in Sweden, in the a country which prides itself to be on being one of the best and most equal in the world.
    We can imagine a young man in his twenties who came to Sweden as a refugee as a child, together with his family. He is too young to remember his homeland and the only knowledge he has about it is through the stories he has heard from his parents.
    In his new homeland, he learns fast and he is one of the best students in his class. He studies hard at university and he succeeds to obtain in obtaining his PhD degree. He is overjoyed and his family proud of him.
    Then after some weeks, the young man tries to find a job. He believes that companies all around the country will fight against each other to employ him. He sends his applications to some of them and soon experiences his first disappointment. They are not interested in him. They do not even grant him an interview. They do not care that his marks are the highest possible, that he is full of knowledge, enthusiasm and energy.

    The young man is still an optimist. He sends his applications to twenty, thirty, forty different companies. And he receives the same answer.
    He is so desperate and sad that he becomes depressive. He would rather be dead than walk the streets jobless and idle.
    And who knows what would have happened to the young man if he had not met another immigrant who explained to him the reason for his failure. He simply has the wrong name! If he ever wants to find a job, he has to change his Muslim name into a Swedish one.
    At the beginning, the young man does not want to believe him. But as time goes by, he understands that the man is right. So one day the young man goes to the Swedish Tax Agency, fills in some forms, and like as by a trick of a magician he receives a Swedish name Andreas. He feels terrible. He has betrayed his own family, despite his parents giving him their full support.

    The young man now sends his applications under his new name and, lo and behold, everyone wants him.
    You need to put commas on both sides of an interjection like this.
    He is invited to dozens of interviews, managers are patting him friendly amicably on his shoulder,
    "Friendly" is an adjective. You want "friendlily" but that doesn't exist.
    they smile at him and treat him with expensive drinks and meals. The young man would rather smash their faces and spit at them, but he smiles too and talk friendly, because he knows that everyone in this country wears a mask.

    Whenever I hear tourists praising Sweden and Swedes I think how lucky they are. They are here only on a short visit and they do know nothing about what is hidden behind the well-ordered society. Indeed, sometimes it is better to be ignorant.
    That should fix it.

  5. #5
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: The hidden racism

    Raymott,

    Thank you very much for your proofreading and your explanations.
    It was the first time that someone has explained to me that "how to" and verb is not correct English.

  6. #6
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    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: The hidden racism

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Raymott,

    Thank you very much for your proofreading and your explanations.
    It was the first time that someone has explained to me that "how to" and verb is not correct English.
    Yes, it's no more (or less) correct than:
    "Where to go for my holidays?"
    "When to get up in the morning?"
    "Who to ask?"
    These clauses do not have a finite (main) verb. They aren't sentences.

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