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  1. #1
    varmaswathy81's Avatar
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    Default please correct this write up

    You know, I am very poor in keeping the relationships. But actually, I am a person who loves to be with friends. I love outings, chitchatting, gossiping ... like any typical Indian girl. Well, when I remember about my childhood friends, the one and only name which comes to my mind is of Maya. I was born and brought up in Kerala. We were settled in a village, during my childhood days. My parents were working, so I had my grand patents with me to look after me and my younger brother. Maya was my best friend. I loved her company and never wanted to be separated. But unfortunately, from second standard, our classes were separated. You know, I was really upset at that time. I cried a lot and even skipped the classes because of this reason. Finally, teachers changed me to Maya's class!

    Yes, I am very sensitive and also value real relationships a lot.


    After 3rd standard, we shifted to our new house in town. My grand parents went back to their own house. I started going to my new school. It was not like my old school in the village. It was a famous convent which was being managed by Christian management. It was a new world for me. Slowly, I started forgetting my first childhood friend.

    Here, I had many friends. I became a grown-up girl, and my attitudes were also changed. In that school, my dearest friend was Divya. She was very loving and caring . Both of us had a common interest. We loved reading and writing. We were famous in the school. Divya was very talented in writing poetries in our mother tongue, Malayalam. I liked writing stories. Our writings were being published in school magazines regularly. After 10 th, we joined in different colleges. That was the end of that relationship.

    The most memorable and nostalgic period of my life starts here. Yes, I am talking about my college days. I studied in a famous college in our state. Our college was very big, and it had a vast campus that comes nearly 100 acers! Really, it was a beautiful campus one can ever have.

    Yes, it is a nostalgic memory in my life. I was staying in the college hostel. There I had two roommates, Vidya and Ambika. We were close friends. We shared all the secrets, bunked classes, and spent time in canteen and library. In weekends, we went for movies, enjoyed our favorite chikku and musambi juices at juice parlours. In the free time, we spoke about our future would be's, gossiped about other hostelates, fabricated stories about the handsome hunks and beauty queens of our college and enjoyed it a lot ... I was known as a small writer in my college, as my stories and poetries were published in some of the leading magazines in Malayalam.

    Our campus was full of trees. I remember the beautiful nostalgic rainy days, the drenched roads in the campus, which was always covered with yellow flowers. Yes, really I love remembering those charming days. We spent three memorable years in this beautiful campus. Now all of us got married and settled in different cities. We are now 'matured' mothers of our cute kids and also 'responsible' housewives. I came to Bangalore after marriage, and unexpectedly happened to meet one of my friend Ambika here. It was really surprising.

    Yes, the days months and years pass ... we meet many and forget many. It is really refreshing to go back into those sweet memories ... right?
    Last edited by varmaswathy81; 10-Jul-2011 at 05:00.

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: please correct this write up

    Quote Originally Posted by varmaswathy81 View Post
    You know, I am very poor at keeping the relationships. But actually I am a person who loves a lot to be with friends. I love outings, chitchatting , gossipping ... like any typical Indian girl. :rotfl.

    I'm not sure if you meant "relationships, but" or "relationships. But". Correct orthography and punctuation would make this clear.
    I would consider reading this if you first ran it through a spell checker, and fixed up the capitalisation, punctuation, etc.

    Punctuation - a space after, but not before a comma.
    - an ellipsis is three dots. "enjoyed it a lot......" is wrong and sloppy. "pass... we". Some people put a space before and after an ellipsis, and some don't. But you need to choose one style a stick to it. I prefer this ... yes, it's one punctuation mark that differs.

  3. #3
    varmaswathy81's Avatar
    varmaswathy81 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: please correct this write up

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    I would consider reading this if you first ran it through a spell checker, and fixed up the capitalisation, punctuation, etc.

    Punctuation - a space after, but not before a comma.
    - an ellipsis is three dots. "enjoyed it a lot......" is wrong and sloppy. "pass... we". Some people put a space before and after an ellipsis, and some don't. But you need to choose one style a stick to it. I prefer this ... yes, it's one punctuation mark that differs.
    Thank you so much for your advice. I have checked it and made the changes. Please correct this. Please advice me, as a beginner in article writing, in which areas should I improve.
    Last edited by varmaswathy81; 10-Jul-2011 at 05:02.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: please correct this write up

    Quote Originally Posted by varmaswathy81 View Post
    You know, I am very poor in keeping the relationships. But actually, I am a person who loves to be with friends. I love outings, chitchatting, gossiping ... like any typical Indian girl. Well, when I remember about my childhood friends, the one and only name which comes to my mind is of Maya. I was born and brought up in Kerala. We were settled in a village, during my childhood days. My parents were working, so I had my grand parents with me to look after me and my younger brother. Maya was my best friend. I loved her company and never wanted to be separated. But unfortunately, from second standard [ second grade, usually, in English] , our classes were separated. You know, I was really upset at that time. I cried a lot and even skipped the classes because of this reason. Finally, teachers changed me to Maya's class!

    Yes, I am very sensitive and also value real relationships a lot.


    After 3rd standard [grade], we shifted to our new house in town. My grandparents went back to their own house. I started going to my new school. It was not like my old school in the village. It was a famous convent which was being managed by Christian management. It was a new world for me. Slowly, I started forgetting my first childhood friend.

    Here, I had many friends. I became a grown-up girl, and my attitudes were also changed. In that school, my dearest friend was Divya. She was very loving and caring . Both of us had a common interest. We loved reading and writing. We were famous in the school. Divya was very talented in writing poetries (poems, or poetry, not poetries) in our mother tongue, Malayalam. I liked writing stories. Our writings were being published in school magazines regularly. After 10th, we joined enrolled in different colleges. That was the end of that relationship.

    The most memorable and nostalgic period of my life starts here. Yes, I am talking about my college days. I studied in a famous college in our state. Our college was very big, and it had a vast campus that comes covers nearly 100 acres! Really, it was a the most beautiful campus one can could ever have.

    Yes, it is a nostalgic memory in my life. I was staying in the college hostel. There I had two roommates, Vidya and Ambika. We were close friends. We shared all the secrets, bunked classes, and spent time in the canteen and library. In At weekends, we went for to movies, and enjoyed our favorite chikku and musambi juices at juice parlours. In the free time, we spoke about how our futures would be, gossiped about other hostelates [what that?] , fabricated stories about the handsome hunks and beauty queens of our college and enjoyed it a lot ... I was known as a small writer in my college, as my stories and poetries poems were published in some of the leading magazines in Malayalam.

    Our campus was full of trees. I remember the beautiful nostalgic rainy days, the drenched roads in the campus, which was always covered with yellow flowers. Yes, really I love remembering those charming days. We spent three memorable years in this beautiful campus. Now all of us got are married and settled in different cities.
    You got married in the past. Now you are married.
    We are now 'mature' mothers of our cute kids and also 'responsible' housewives. I came to Bangalore after marriage, and unexpectedly happened to meet one of my friends, Ambika, here. It was really surprising.

    Yes, the days months and years pass ... we meet many and forget many. It is really refreshing to go back into those sweet memories ... right?
    That looks much nicer set out properly. A native English speaker who enjoys reading will notice this immediately, and will be more likely to want to read your story.
    You only made a few mistakes, but your story wasn't very adventurous grammatically. Perhaps it's time to start trying some more complex sentences.

  5. #5
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    varmaswathy81 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: please correct this write up

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    That looks much nicer set out properly. A native English speaker who enjoys reading will notice this immediately, and will be more likely to want to read your story.
    You only made a few mistakes, but your story wasn't very adventurous grammatically. Perhaps it's time to start trying some more complex sentences.
    I am really happy hearing this from a native English speaker like you. Thank you so much for your encouragements and doing corrections. I need to improve more. It is not a story, just penned down some memories of my friendship.

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