Help!!! Im asking for a transfer to a school.

[Veronica<3]

Hello,my name's Veronica,I come fron Hong Kong and Im askin for a transfer to a skl.Since my English ain't good.Would you please to proofread my application letter?
Also can you guys give me some advices?Thanks alot

11thJuly,2011
Dear Mr.Tsui,
Application for admission in 2011-2012
I am Veronica and I am writing sincerely and hopefully to apply for a transfer to your school in the academic year 2011-2012 again.Currently,I am studying in Pui Kui College.I have written letters to your school on 27thFebruary,2011 and 30thApril,2011 respectively.Subsequently,I have received your letter on 30thMay,2011,which informed me that there wasn’t any available space for a Form.3 student then.
Although I was frustrated by your letter,but I would still like to subscribe my results of the 2nd term examination to you because I won’t give up.I hope you can give me a chance of an interview to enable me to show that I am capable of handling the curriculum of your school.No matter challenging questions will be given to me,I would try all my best to deal with them.
In addiction of being an active learner,I have been a regular volunteer in the Boys and Girls Association Club regularly.Here is an recommendation letter which has been written by the responsible preceptor of the voluntary course.
I hope my perserverance would impress you. Although I have shortcomings in some aspects,I will gradually correct them through learning.As I know knowledge is the key to let me reform myself.Morever,it is a key to success.Thus,I really want to become one of the member of your school since I believe your school will provide a fine learning environment for me.
Lastly,thank you for your kind consideration.I earnestly hope that you can give me a chance of an interviw even there is very little possibility of you to change your mind.
Yours sincerely,
Veronica

 

[Chicken Sandwich]

Hello,my name's Veronica,I come from Hong Kong and I'm asking for a transfer to a skl.Since my English [STRIKE]ain't[/STRIKE] isn't good, would you please[STRIKE] to[/STRIKE] proofread my application letter?
Also can you guys give me some [STRIKE]advices[/STRIKE] advice? Thanks a lot

NOT A TEACHER

To begin with, I wouldn't use "ain't" in written English. It's a short form of ‘am not’, ‘is not’, ‘are not’, ‘has not’, or ‘have not’, that many people think is incorrect.

I'm not a teacher, so I'm not really in the position to check your letter for mistakes, but I've corrected a few obvious errors in your question.

 

[emsr2d2]

Hello. My name's Veronica. I come fron Hong Kong and I am asking for a transfer to a [STRIKE]skl[/STRIKE] school. Since my English [STRIKE]ain't[/STRIKE] isn't good, would you please [STRIKE]to [/STRIKE]proofread my application letter?
Also can you guys give me some [STRIKE]advices[/STRIKE] advice? Thanks a lot

Parts of your introduction have already been corrected by the previous poster but I have added a couple more. See above.

Remember:

1) Put a space after a comma.
2) Put a space after a full stop.
3) Put a space after a question mark.
4) If you must use emoticons, put a space before and after them.
5) Words in the gerud end -ing not -in (no matter how you hear them pronounced
6) On this forum, we appreciate full words, not "textspeak" so "skl" means absolutely nothing.
7) Even though perfectly fine in spoken English and in novels, and when used by native/fluent speakers, "ain't" is best avoided.