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  1. #1
    huysky is offline Newbie
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    Post plz correct and mark my essay!

    i'm learning to write a good essay.
    Could u please correct and give me some suggestion about my writing
    thx in advance!
    Topic: It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not responsive to rapid changing ideas in the modern workplaces and that for this reason younger workers are to be preferred. To what extent, do you support or reject this idea.


    As we known,the youth are the future of the countries.For instance, a country which have many young talent people will definitely become stronger than other countries. However, many people think that youthful people don't have enough experiences to work efficiently. To my perspective, we should put young people in a high position because of these following reasons
    First of all, the youth are more dynamic than elderly people. we are living in a competitive world where the creation plays an indepensable role on our life.It is undeniable that experience is an important factor which lead to the success of a company. Nevertheless, if you are a smart director, you should choose young people who are likely to have more creative ideals in order to adapt the competitive world.
    Secondly, Working is the quickest solution to gain experience. Despite the fact that young people are very dynamic, the only one weak-point is that they are lack of experience.Almost students who have just graduated from university don't have much chances to work in the real life which prevent them from becoming becoming a professional staff. Therefore, in order to make them become a professor, the best solution is give them opportunities to work in the real life.
    In conclusion, it is undeniable that elderly people are more professional than young people.However, with the enthusiasm and creation, youthful people should have more chances to show off themselves. By doing that, the company and even the country will become stronger and stronger.


  2. #2
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: plz correct and mark my essay!

    Quote Originally Posted by huysky View Post
    I'm learning to write a good essay.
    Could you please correct and give me some suggestions about my writing
    thanks in advance!
    Topic: It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not responsive to rapid changing ideas in the modern workplaces and that for this reason younger workers are to be preferred. To what extent, do you support or reject this idea.


    As we known (Do we?) ,the youth are the future of the countries. For instance, a country which have that has many young talented people will definitely become stronger than other countries. However, many people think that youthful people don't have enough experiences to work efficiently. To From my perspective, we should put young people in a high position because of thesethe following reasons
    First of all, the youth are more dynamic than elderly people. We are living in a competitive world where the creation plays an indepensable role on our life (???). It is undeniable that experience is an important factor which leads to the success of a company. Nevertheless, if you are a smart director, you should choose young people who are likely to have more creative ideals in order to adapt to the competitive world.
    Secondly, working is the quickest solution to gain experience. Despite the fact that young people are very dynamic, the only one weak point is that they are lack of experience. Almost all students who have just graduated from university don't have much chances to work in the real life which prevents them from becoming becoming a professional staff. Therefore, in order to make them become a professor, the best solution is to give them opportunities to work in the real life.
    In conclusion, it is undeniable that elderly people are more professional than young people. However, with the enthusiasm and creation, youthful people should have more chances to show off themselves. By doing that, the company and even the country will become stronger and stronger.
    Suggestions are for grammar / structure only. No comment with regard to your position / premise on several statements on the subject.

  3. #3
    huysky is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: plz correct and mark my essay!

    thanks for you suggestion
    i will practice more

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