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Thread: Introduction

  1. #1
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    Default Introduction

    Dear Sirs,
    I'd like to have your opinion about the following introduction about our company:

    -------

    1981 - This is the year which marked the launch of Jet International Services in the world of aviation. The whole thing was really a small project, but with continuous insistence, the company became one of the powerful giants in the field of aviation services.

    Today, Jet International is making a rapid breath-taking progress relying on a wide chain of branches, agents and clients almost worldwide.

    Why are we successful? It has ever been our principle that we accept no compromises as customer satisfaction is our major concern. The company is committed to offering a wide range of high-quality services which meet the growing demand of the market. On the other hand, we really look with satisfaction at the role played by our reliable and dedicated staff whose members have considerable knowledge and expertise.

    With the advent of 2006 which highlights our silver jubilee, we are confident that the company will continue its sustained growth going hand-in-hand with the latest developments in the field.

    At last, I would like to say that we truly treasure the long-term close working relationships that have tied us with our customers all these years. In fact, we are always keen on maintaining such relationships and expending them as they are the company's source of pride and confidence.

    G.M.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
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      • UK
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    Default Re: Introduction

    The whole thing was really a small project- I'd say something like 'Though we started as a small project, the company has became one of the powerful giants in the field of aviation services though our continuous efforts.
    rapid breath-taking + continuous insistence- here you're modifying words that don't really need modifying- if something is breath-taking, then I'd say there's no need to add rapid
    wide chain of branches, agents- you have a chain of brances, but might 'network' be suitable for the agents? through a wide chain of branches, and network of agents (I'd also be tempted to remove 'wide' or use worldwide if it's international)
    It has ever been our principle- this form is correct, but it's a bit rhetorical and I'd stick to 'always'
    On the other hand,- I'd use what is more/in addition/ moreover, etc
    dedicated staff whose members have considerable knowledge and expertise- dedicated staff, with their considerable knowledge and expertise
    With the advent of 2006 which highlights our silver jubilee,- 2006 sees our silver jubilee
    At last,- Last or Lastly
    close working relationships that have tied us with our customers- close working relationships we have maintained ...
    relationships and expending- expanding

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