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Thread: my essay

  1. #1
    oryx is offline Junior Member
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    Default my essay

    Hello everyone,
    I want to ask ,,is this essay has any mistake?? maybe in grammar!!

    An Inconvenient Truth is a documentary film about global warming that has been written by Former United States Vice President Al Gore. This is the area which Al Gore has been interested in for many years especially after he took a course with Roger Revelle the climate expert at Harvard University. That made him travelled around United State and the world to educate and aware people about the effects of the global worming and the climate change.
    The documentary is based on "power point" presentation to show graphs, charts, predictions , scientific models, data and a lot of photographs which appear on a big screen behind Al Gore as he give his talk to support what he is saying in front of many audience. In fact, the idea of document his awareness campaign came from producer called David, after he saw Gore's presentation at a global warming town-hall meeting in New York City in 2004, then they worked together to adapt the presentation into a documentary film.
    Throughout the film, Gore focuses on different activates that might humans do which contribute and affect on the chemical composition of the earth's atmosphere and consequently cause negative changes in our climate. One example of that is the possibility of raising sea levels by around 30 feet due to the collapse of ice sheets in Antarctica and Greenland which leads to raise refuges rate to reach 100 million.
    In the last section of Gore's presentation, he said to his audience " if appropriate actions are taken soon, the effects of global warming can be successfully reversed by releasing less carbon dioxide and planting more vegetation to consume existing carbon dioxide" which make people optimistic that they can deal with these peoblems.

    Thanks a lot

  2. #2
    write.now is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: my essay

    An Inconvenient Truth (titles should be in italics) is a documentary film about global warming that has been written by former United States Vice President, Al Gore. This (what does "this" refer to? Try not to start a sentence this way because it can be unclear to the reader) is the area [in] which Al Gore has been interested in for many years, especially after he took a course with Roger Revelle, [a] climate expert at Harvard University. That (again, what does "that" refer to? See previous comment) made (perhaps something like "caused him" instead?) him travelled around United States and the world to educate and aware (perhaps something like "alert" or "bring awareness"?) people about the effects of the global w[a]rming and the climate change.

    The documentary is based on [a] "power point" Power Point presentation to [that]show[ed] graphs, charts, predictions , scientific models, data and a lot of photographs, which appear[ed] on a big screen behind Al Gore as he give his talk to support what he is saying ["his ideas" maybe?] in front of many [a large] audience. In fact, the

    [The] idea of [for the]documentary his awareness campaign came from [a] producer called [perhaps "named"] David, after he saw Gore's presentation at a global warming town-hall meeting in New York City in 2004, then they worked together to adapt the presentation into a documentary film.
    ^ I would maybe rewrite this sentence because it's a bit long and wordy. You could probably split this into 2 sentences. Feel free to ask if you need help!

    Throughout the film, Gore focuses on different activates [activities]that might humans do which [humans do that]contribute and affect on the chemical composition of the earth's atmosphere and consequently, cause negative changes in our climate. One example of that is the possibility of raising [the rising] sea levels by around 30 feet due to the collapse of ice sheets in Antarctica and Greenland. which leads to raise [This could lead the] refugees rate to reach 100 million.

    In the last section of Gore's presentation, he said to his audience, "If appropriate actions are taken soon, the effects of global warming can be successfully reversed by releasing less carbon dioxide and planting more vegetation to consume existing carbon dioxide," which make [made] people optimistic that they can [could] deal with these problems.

    Notes:

    Green = comment/suggestion
    Orange = Suggested changes

    Well done! Some suggestions -- make sure to always do a spell check to avoid any typos/mistakes. Also, sometimes it is better to have 2 separate sentences instead of 1 long one because this can get confusing. Try not to start sentences with words like "this" and "that" unless it is very easy for the reader to tell what you are talking about when you say "this" or "that. I hope this helps! Feel free to ask if you have any questions :D.

  3. #3
    oryx is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: my essay

    thank you soooo much ,,, you really helped me a lot


    and could you please check the rest of this essay


    In his film, Al Gore discusses some scientific arguments about climate changes that would affect our planet badly in the near future and he provides some suggestions that people and countries can do in order to combat climate change. Here are two examples of the strongest scientific arguments, in my opinion, that he mentioned. Firstly, the rate of carbon dioxide is rising and affects the temperature to be warmer. And he showed tow graphs to confirm that by comparing carbon dioxide graph with Vostok temperature graph over the past 650,000 years to show the relationship between the temperature and the carbon dioxide which is when there is more carbon dioxide, the temperature will be warmer . And this statement is certainly true according to IPCC . Secondly, there is a possibility that global warming could raise the sea levels by about 30 feet when the ice sheets in Antarctica and Greenland collapse down due to the high temperature. When he stated that, he showed some animation about some animals who would be affected by calamite change. This statement is nearly acceptable by IPCC but"physically it is impossible for the Greenland Ice Sheet to break up and melt, as postulated in the movie, because the Greenland Ice Sheet is not floating"(Lemke et al. 2007, p. 367).

    I want to know if there are mistakes and how can I use the passive to improve it

    Thanks a lot

  4. #4
    oryx is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: my essay

    please,,can anyone help me and check my essay
    I have to hand it in this morning

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