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  1. #1
    wyk110 is offline Newbie
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    Smile A SAT essay need your advice ><

    Iím preparing for my SAT text in October, as a foreigner Iím quite not sure about some of my expression or grammar usage whether it is correct or not, and maybe I made some mistakes that I can aware myself as well as my description isnít logical. I need your help>< thnx a lot!!!!

    Should society limit peopleís exposure to some kind of information or forms of expression?

    Throughout time mankind has been striving to get information from circumstance to make life convenient and efficient. Whether it be through newspaper, television, or computers etc. every intermediary has made its contribution to develop knowledge for commonage. No mater how efficient varied intermediary are, how fast, or how entertaining, the informative info through multiplex way pose a threat to public-gratuitous violent and pornographic contents, excessive views and so forth. By that I mean society should take measures to limit some kind of information or forms of expression.

    Consider, if you will, the latest Norway murderer with homicidal mania. The young man use Internet to communicate with other dire view holder. The fact shows, his initially negative emotion and reserved disposition finally go extremes while being able to encouraged by extreme view instigator in Internet. By his accumulating for excessive opinions throughout varied information without proper censoring, he achieved the malicious plan to kill innocent person. These unstrained but detrimental information should be controlled as long as they have adverse effect on society. In addition, with hardly enough of the explicit conscious teenager have today, they are not capable to distinguish right and wrong, therefore, if the information is reinless, these teenager will be more likely to used by bad-willing person merely like teenager in Rwanda where the teenager are treated as weapon to against opponent.

    Furthermore, itís wrong to equate disengaged information and forms of expressions with freedom at the expenses of contingent chaos to society. An appropriate example can be seen in China. Edison Chen was once a household name because of his sex scandal, whereas one of his fans imitate his action blindly-force 16 girls with unwanted sex. After his exorbitant behavior, he showed his sex pictures online. Neither have this fan an accurate attitude towards this scandal, nor a common conscious. That not only poses a threat to public but also nation image. Obviously, the bad habit of celebrity will influence their fans even public in some degree. Seeing through a mass of information and forms of expression, not devoid of baleful of them, is not supposed to unfold before our eyes. On contrary, being restricted seems reasonable.

    Once again, though, if the society limit peopleís exposure to some particular information and forms if expression, distorted fact of politics, fraudulent advertisements, violent website etc. are banned , people will be in harmony with their circumstances better.

  2. #2
    write.now is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: A SAT essay need your advice ><

    Hey, I can probably help you edit your paper, but it's kind of annoying to do it on here. It is not easy to put in things like comments in this box, but I want to add them so that you can understand anything I change! I think this will help you improve your English :D.

    It would be best if you could attach your paper on this site (.doc or .docx format) because it's easier to edit. If that's too much work, I can probably help you edit it on here too.

  3. #3
    wyk110 is offline Newbie
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    Smile Re: A SAT essay need your advice ><

    Have I done that right?
    Attached Files Attached Files

  4. #4
    write.now is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: A SAT essay need your advice ><

    Yep, thanks! I've attached the edit. My comments are at the end of the document. Good job! I hope this helps you :).
    Attached Files Attached Files

  5. #5
    wyk110 is offline Newbie
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    Thumbs up Re: A SAT essay need your advice ><

    it's about lunch time in China now, I will reply you as soon as I can. Thank you so much, your word are quite enlightening!

  6. #6
    wyk110 is offline Newbie
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    Cool Re: A SAT essay need your advice ><

    I have several questions here about my essay.
    1. Was my essay well-organized?
    2.Does the examples used in my essay tight logically to the topic I want to illustrate?
    3. Is there any sentence pattern I can improve to make article flexible?
    4.How can I improve the readability of my essay?

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