Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    Mary Bright is offline Junior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Belarus
      • Current Location:
      • Belarus
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    96
    Post Thanks / Like

    Please, check my sentences

    Need your help in editing these sentences.THANKS SO MUCH

    1) The Black princes residence a three-storey Black Palace was designed in Italian style (Have a doubt concerning a)

    2) Today, the town-museum represents the unique monuments of the architecture, history, and culture of the country.

    3) While working on the Black Castle, the architect provided a number of things to protect its inhabitants from hostile intrusion. He created artificial reservoirs in front of the castle and used a lot of stone structures to make it difficult for the enemy to reach it. Across the lake he laid a wide mound and a bridge, easily dismantled in case of an enemy's attack. A 20-metre earth bank with bastions at the corners and a moat with waterworks, regulating the level of supplied water, protected the castle as well. In the XVII century, the fortification complex of the Black Castle was improved. Thus, the builders added four turrets to the bastions and threw a draw-bridge across the moat.

    4) In the XVIII century, the palace with the joined to it buildings formed the main courtyard.

    5) Similar fate awaited the castle library: In a short time it passed to the occupants.

    6) In the Old Park, there are a lot of interesting sculptures made of bronze. This is a mermaid queen sitting on a rock, a dog that saved its master on a hunt, the heroine of a medieval legend, and a boy with an angel. Besides those, there are six more sculptures of the famous personalities in the park who have made a great contribution to the history of the town.

    7) It consists of the five parks laid at different time: the Old (1879), the Japanese (19131914), the New (1898), the English (the end of the XIX beginning of the XX centuries), and the Castle (beginning of the XX century) Parks.

    8) Throughout its history, the town suffered from fires and demolitions: During the war in 1654, it was burnt; in 1706 destroyed by Swedes.

  2. #2
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    28,167
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please, check my sentences

    A Few suggestions:
    Quote Originally Posted by Mary Bright View Post
    1) The Black pPrince's residence a three-storey Black Palace was designed in the Italian style.

    2) Today, the town-(no hyphen) museum represents the a unique (monuments) record ? of the architecture, history, and culture of the country.

    3) While working on the Black Castle, the architect provided a number of things to protect its inhabitants from hostile intrusion. He created artificial reservoirs in front of the castle and used a lot of stone structures to make it difficult for the enemy to reach it. Across the lake he laid a wide mound and a bridge, easily dismantled in case of an enemy's attack. A 20-metre earth bank with bastions at the corners, and a moat with waterworks, regulating the level of supplied water supplied, protected the castle as well. In the XVII century, the fortification complex of the Black Castle was improved. Thus, the builders added four turrets to the bastions and threw a draw-bridge across the moat.

    4) In the XVIII century, the palace with the joined to it adjoining buildings formed the main courtyard.
    Did the buildings not form the courtyard before this time?

    5) A Similar fate awaited the castle library: In a short time it passed to the occupants.
    similar to what? I don't quite understand the second sentence.

    6) In the Old Park, there are a lot of interesting sculptures made of bronze. ThisThere is a mermaid queen sitting on a rock, a dog that saved its master on a hunt, the heroine of a medieval legend, and a boy with an angel. Besides those, there are six more sculptures in the park of the famous personalities in the park who have made a great contribution to the history of the town.

    7) It consists of the five parks laid at different times: the Old (1879), the Japanese (19131914), the New (1898), the English (the end of the XIX beginning of the XX centuries), and the Castle (beginning of the XX century) Parks.

    8) Throughout its history, the town suffered from fires and demolitions: During the war in 1654, it was burnt; in 1706 it was destroyed by Swedes.
    5

  3. #3
    Mary Bright is offline Junior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Belarus
      • Current Location:
      • Belarus
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    96
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please, check my sentences

    Thank you very much, Gil and 5, for all your corrections and suggestions.

    There were two sentences in my post not clear enough for you because I'd taken them out of context.

    1) In the XVIII century, the palace with the joined to it buildings formed the main courtyard.
    2) A similar fate awaited the castle library: in a short time it passed to the occupants.

    The context is:

    1) By 1658, one could count twelve halls in the palace: the Royal, the Marble, and other halls. The walls and ceilings of the rooms were nicely carved, modelled and painted. Later, they built a two-storey household building near the palace and a three-storey barracks with a watch tower. In the XVIII century, the palace with the joined to it buildings formed the main courtyard.

    2) In 1764–1768, the troops occupied the castle, seizing many of its historical and cultural values. A similar fate awaited the castle library: In a short time it passed to the occupants.

    Commenting on the other points:

    1) Throughout its history, the town suffered from fires and demolitions: During the war in 1654, it was burnt; in 1706 destroyed by Swedes.

    Fivejedjon, I omitted it was to avoid repetition. I read some grammar sources about it. But maybe I should have used a comma in the right place?

    in 1706, destroyed by Swedes.

    2) the library passed/ the library was passed
    Gillnetter, can I use the verb pass in the Active Voice or just in the Passive as you wrote?

    3) The Black Princes' residence

    If I've got such a phrase: The Princes Hetmans' residence,

    Hetmans is a surname
    prince is a title

    should I always in such cases write Princes with a capital?

    Again, many thanks for all your help
    Last edited by Mary Bright; 16-Aug-2011 at 11:02.

  4. #4
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    28,167
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please, check my sentences

    Quote Originally Posted by Mary Bright View Post

    1) By 1658, one could count twelve halls in the palace: the Royal, the Marble, and other halls. The walls and ceilings of the rooms were nicely carved, modelled and painted. Later, they built a two-storey household building near the palace and a three-storey barracks with a watch tower. In the XVIII century, the palace with the joined to it adjoining. buildings formed the main courtyard.

    It makes more sense in context.


    2) In 1764–1768, the troops occupied the castle, seizing many of its historical and cultural values. A similar fate awaited the castle library: In a short time it passed to the occupants occupying troops/forces..

    Commenting on the other points:

    1) Throughout its history, the town suffered from fires and demolitions: During the war in 1654, it was burnt; in 1706 destroyed by Swedes.

    Fivejedjon, I omitted it was to avoid repetition. I read some grammar sources about it. But maybe I should have used a comma in the right place?
    If both the burning and the occupation were carried out by Swedes, then you can write: "During the war in 1654 it was burnt, in the war in1706 destroyed, by the Swedes" but it's not very elegant.


    2) the library passed/ the library was passed

    ... can I use the verb pass in the Active Voice or just in the Passive?.....I prefer the active,


    3) The Black Princes' residence.....He was known as 'the Black Prince'. He was not a black prince.
    5

  5. #5
    Mary Bright is offline Junior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Belarus
      • Current Location:
      • Belarus
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    96
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please, check my sentences

    The Black Princes' residence.....He was known as 'the Black Prince'. He was not a black prince
    I'm sorry for having mixed you up with this
    I've got such a phrase: The Hetmans Princes' residence
    .
    I didn't actually mean it. What puzzles me is should I always write the titles like prince, duke, earl etc. with a capital if it's together with a proper name? In other words, which is correct:

    The Hetmans Princes' residence,

    or

    The Hetmans princes' residence?

    If you clear this out for me, I'd be very grateful indeed becase I can't find the precise rule about such cases like above. Thanks.

  6. #6
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    28,167
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please, check my sentences

    Quote Originally Posted by Mary Bright View Post
    What puzzles me is should I always write the titles like prince, duke, earl etc. with a capital if it's together with a proper name?
    Yes......Prince Charles.....the Prince of Wales

    In other words, which is correct:....."The Hetmans Princes' residence" .....or,......"The Hetmans princes' residence"?
    As 'hetman' appears to be a military rank, and as there was more than one hetman prince, the correct version is 'the hetman princes' residence'. However, if those words are the name of the residence, then 'the Hetman Princes' Residence' is fine. If we are speaking of one named person, then 'Hetman Prince Johann's residence' is where he lives.

  7. #7
    Mary Bright is offline Junior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Belarus
      • Current Location:
      • Belarus
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    96
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please, check my sentences

    Fivejedjon, thank you a lot for your corrections and explanations - they are really helpful. Also, I'd like to thank you for the variant "The town museum represents a unique record of..." which you sugessted above. The sentence looks more elegant now .

Similar Threads

  1. can anyone check my sentences please??
    By sara ahmed in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 21-Feb-2011, 21:51
  2. Please Check these sentences
    By anupumh in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 26-Aug-2009, 12:39
  3. Check My Sentences Please
    By Volcano1985 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 16-Apr-2009, 23:43
  4. Could you, please, check my sentences
    By changeling in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-Sep-2008, 15:15
  5. could you please check these sentences for me?
    By minnie2007 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 15-May-2007, 15:02

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •