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  1. #1
    mrajoshi is offline Newbie
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    Default pls. rate my essay

    IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE IMPORTANT THING ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY , WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

    USE REASON AND SPECIFIC EXAMPLE TO SUPPORT YOUR ANSWER.

    My country name is India . it's a very beautiful country. Britishers ruled over India around 150 years, and after sacrifice of lots of indian 's life we could see the freedom for our country .But in this competitive era corruption "the big monster" is trying to finish this country . If i ever get a chance to change one thing about my country is to remove corruption from its roots.

    Various culture people lives in India. They celebrate their festival with joy and happiness. They always try to spread brotherhood in the country and always try to live peacefully . People in India are very hard working, because they saw the bright sun after giving sacrifice of many people's life. But because of few people all indians are getting corrupted. as for example , if i want to goet admission in school , i have to give certain amount of money called donations to the school eventhough i get good marks . one has to go through this procedure to get an admission in school.so this way people becomes victims of corruption and to achieve more and more things in life they become part of corruptions.

    Furthermore, the most common and regular example of traffic police , when traffice police catch you with no obeying road rules , rather than giving ticket to the driver if you offer some amount money as a bribe than traffic police will let you go without saying single word. Thus people drive crazily their vehicle on roads and won't get scared of traffice police. In this way accidents occurs on daily basis . Corruption is like a cancer that is eating everyone's life one or another way.

    I would recommend to pass one bill by government where if anyone complain about anybody who is doing corruption ,the government will help to check on that person who did corruption and if he caught with lots of scandals , he should be punished and government should take all his money. This way government will get more money so they can develop and use those money for their country 's people. If the government have enough money they will put less tax on the people and so people can save their money and live their lives their way and happily.

    Over a years ago , India has been called as a "golden sparrow" but this corruption has changed india's name in very shameful way.I just want to say that only people of india can bring its old name back if they gather and fight again corruption .

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: pls. rate my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by mrajoshi View Post
    IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE IMPORTANT THING ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY , WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

    USE REASON AND SPECIFIC EXAMPLE TO SUPPORT YOUR ANSWER.

    My country name The name of my country is India . it's a very beautiful country. The British ruled over India for around 150 years, and after the sacrifice of a lot of Indian lives, we could see the chance/propect/promise of freedom for our country .But in this competitive era corruption, "the big monster", is trying to finish this country . If i ever get a chance to change one thing about my country, it will be is to remove corruption from its roots.

    Various culture people People of various cultures lives in India. They celebrate their festivals with joy and happiness. They always try to spread brotherhood in the country and always try to live peacefully . People in India are very hard working, because they saw see the bright sun after giving sacrifice of many people's life.
    You perform human sacrifices in India?

    [corrected to here]
    But because of few people all indians are getting corrupted. as for example , if i want to goet admission in school , i have to give certain amount of money called donations to the school eventhough i get good marks . one has to go through this procedure to get an admission in school.so this way people becomes victims of corruption and to achieve more and more things in life they become part of corruptions.

    Furthermore, the most common and regular example of traffic police , when traffice police catch you with no obeying road rules , rather than giving ticket to the driver if you offer some amount money as a bribe than traffic police will let you go without saying single word. Thus people drive crazily their vehicle on roads and won't get scared of traffice police. In this way accidents occurs on daily basis . Corruption is like a cancer that is eating everyone's life one or another way.

    I would recommend to pass one bill by government where if anyone complains about anybody who is doing corruption ,the government will help to check on that person who did corruption and if he caught with lots of scandals , he should be punished and government should take all his money. This way government will get more money so they can develop and use those money for their country 's people. If the government have enough money they will put less tax on the people and so people can save their money and live their lives their way and happily.

    Over a years ago , India has been called as a "golden sparrow" but this corruption has changed india's name in very shameful way.I just want to say that only people of india can bring its old name back if they gather and fight again corruption .
    OK, there are some basic rules about writing in English, which must be followed.
    - Capitalise 'I' and the first word of each sentence.
    - Learn where to put spaces around commas and periods (and put them there). This is easy to learn - look in a book. (I've marked some of your punctuation spacing errors in red. Try to work out why they are wrong).

    You need to concentrate more on subject-verb agreement. That is, a singular subject takes a singular form of the verb.
    What you write is mostly understandable, but you've made a lot of errors in basic phrasing, as well as grammar. You'll get better with practice, and reading good books.

  3. #3
    mrajoshi is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: pls. rate my essay

    Raymott ,

    Thank you so much for pointing out errors for me.. it will really helps me to improve my writing skills.

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