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    Rezafo's Avatar
    Rezafo is offline Newbie
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    Default Help with One-paragraph essay -2

    I’ll be grateful if you could comment or correct my writing

    2- Subject: computers save people time.

    People can save their time between 60 ~ 70% on calculating their debts, writing and posting letters, shopping and etc., with the aid of computers. Julia Marshall, a 52 matron from indolant is happy with her new Acer laptop keeping records of her debts and calculating her loans and account. She’s sending and receiving almost 30 emails daily which previously she sued to do the same three to four ones through snail mails. She says: “I really save my time with the help of this 21st century gadget”. The author of Effective time management, Tom Hanks says “computers can help people to speed up their daily activities and save a notable quota of their time if they use them properly”.

    Color code:
    Statistics
    Narrative Example
    Statement by an authority

    What’s your score out of 20 to this one-paragraph essay?

    Examples, figures and supports are all imaginative.

    Thank you.


    P.S.:
    I’m practicing writing “one paragraph essay” which consists of Examples, Statistics and statements by authorities. These three items are the supports for the passage.
    I’ll be grateful if you could comment or correct my writing. And I wonder if there is anyone out there with whom I can be in touch and send my writings and questions every now and then? If there are some people here who have time to respond my emails, let me know.

    It should be mentioned that the questions are not school tasks at all. I’m a self learner and this is my interest and hobby. I’m doing it on my own. [ I’m telling this because I’ve noticed that on the net and forums people do not answer these questions reasoning that they are college or school tasks].
    Last edited by Rezafo; 04-Sep-2011 at 10:07. Reason: Spacing

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