This is primarily a language discussion forum and not a proofreading site- people will look at writing, but it is a time-consuming task and there are no guarantees that threads will get looked at. You will find more activity in the discussion areas, where most of the teachers around spend more of their time. For instance, I do not correct writing because the site eats up al my free time as it is, so I stopped doing any a few years ago. If you come and join us in the discussions in places like Ask a Teacher - UsingEnglish.com ESL Forum, you'll be able to communicate more directly, and this will help your writing too. By all means, do post your writing in this section but it can take time for people to look at it.
I'll start this one. Firstly, as it's a story I don't like the use of initials- it would be better if you gave there nams, then went on just to use a first name.
Check this sentence- one mistakeToday I want to share another story to the readers here.