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  1. #1
    heartshine is offline Newbie
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    Help needed with a sentence

    Hi, I need some help with a sentence I'm stuck with. It's the sentence in bold (see below). I'm writing an English novel, but I'm dutch. The sentence is about a boy who wakes up in a chair after having a dream... I'm not happy with the flow of it, is there a better way to shape or complement it? Something is off...
    Here it is:

    Slowly the blur before him shifted into focus again, taking the shape of his familiar basement room. Like in the moment when sleepiness had pulled down his heavy eyelids, Richardís hand prevented a white laptop from sliding down his legs.

    Thanks a lot!
    Jesse

  2. #2
    Bennevis's Avatar
    Bennevis is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Help needed with a sentence

    Just like at the moment when (the) drowsiness had pulled down his heavy eyelids, Richardís hand prevented a white laptop from sliding down his legs.

    Notsure what you mean by "like". Are you comparing those two events?

  3. #3
    Jack_Rose is offline Newbie
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    Re: Help needed with a sentence

    Hey,

    I would like to know whether "hand" should be in its plural form, "hands".

    Sincerely,

    I am not an English teacher

  4. #4
    heartshine is offline Newbie
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    Re: Help needed with a sentence

    To answer both of you.

    I'm indeed comparing two events, before dreaming off en while waking up. The position of the hand and laptop stay the same.

    And I'm talking about one hand holding the laptop in place.

  5. #5
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Help needed with a sentence

    I've just noticed - you have posted this question twice. Please don't do that.

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