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    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Dutch
      • Home Country:
      • Netherlands
      • Current Location:
      • Netherlands

    • Join Date: Feb 2010
    • Posts: 7
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    #1

    Help needed with a sentence

    Hi, I need some help with a sentence I'm stuck with. It's the sentence in bold (see below). I'm writing an English novel, but I'm dutch. The sentence is about a boy who wakes up in a chair after having a dream... I'm not happy with the flow of it, is there a better way to shape or complement it? Something is off...
    Here it is:

    Slowly the blur before him shifted into focus again, taking the shape of his familiar basement room. Like in the moment when sleepiness had pulled down his heavy eyelids, Richardís hand prevented a white laptop from sliding down his legs.

    Thanks a lot!
    Jesse

  1. Bennevis's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Russian Federation
      • Current Location:
      • Russian Federation

    • Join Date: Aug 2011
    • Posts: 960
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    #2

    Re: Help needed with a sentence

    Just like at the moment when (the) drowsiness had pulled down his heavy eyelids, Richardís hand prevented a white laptop from sliding down his legs.

    Notsure what you mean by "like". Are you comparing those two events?

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
      • Home Country:
      • Vietnam
      • Current Location:
      • Finland

    • Join Date: May 2011
    • Posts: 26
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    #3

    Re: Help needed with a sentence

    Hey,

    I would like to know whether "hand" should be in its plural form, "hands".

    Sincerely,

    I am not an English teacher

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Dutch
      • Home Country:
      • Netherlands
      • Current Location:
      • Netherlands

    • Join Date: Feb 2010
    • Posts: 7
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    #4

    Re: Help needed with a sentence

    To answer both of you.

    I'm indeed comparing two events, before dreaming off en while waking up. The position of the hand and laptop stay the same.

    And I'm talking about one hand holding the laptop in place.

  2. 5jj's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic

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    • Posts: 28,167
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    #5

    Re: Help needed with a sentence

    I've just noticed - you have posted this question twice. Please don't do that.

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