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  1. #1
    thedaffodils's Avatar
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    Default Fireworks Lit Up the Skies of Shanghai

    Could someone please proofread and advise on the writing of mine? I would greatly appreciate even if you just drop a comment with a few words.

    Fireworks Lit Up the Skies of Shanghai


    Tonight I went to watch the musical fireworks, which was for the celebration of the 62th of the foundation of P. R. China, in Century Park with a friend of mine. We were told online tickets have been sold out, but the friend, who is from the US, was eager to see his first-ever fireworks in China, so we decided to try our luck, and went see if we could get in if there's any chance. The lucky star was shining over our heads, because we not only got the tickets but also bought them much cheaper than the its face value-260 CYN, unbelievably from a scalper. It cost us just 150 CYN each ticket. Boy, it was a pretty good bargain.

    A very crowded shuttle bus took us to the Century Park from the Metro Century Park Station at around 5:30 pm. Jeez, the Park swarmed with numerous people. The show was much later than we expected. Finally at 7:30 pm long-awaited fireworks show, which consisted two parts- the first was Korean part, and the Second was Greek one, launched. Then, the S. Korean National Anthem was played up. It was first time for me to learn and to listen it, which is very magnificent, and most of people stood up to honour it. Later splendid fireworks lit up in the skies one by one accompanying the wows from the audiences now and then. Some were colourful flowers in full blossom, some were twinkling little stars, some were cute smiling faces, some were like wriggling golden snakes, and some were simply waterfall of fireworks, along with wonderful music... How amazing they were! I told the friend I am very proud of us- human beings as we are the top dog of the animals, because we were way more creative than another creatures. While I was gazing at those resplendent fireworks, the strange sentiment suddenly attacked me- how transient the fireworks were as our lives are... soon I shrugged the little bit of sadness off, and kept excitedly lapping the fireworks up until the end at 8:30.

    Before going there, we worried it might be raining tonight, because both of us took our umbrellas. Fortunately, the weather didn't really throw a cold blanket on us- raining, but just made me a little bit shivered under the extra warm overcoat of the friend's because it turned windy and cooler...It was indeed an wonderful evening we spent.
    Last edited by thedaffodils; 04-Oct-2011 at 01:03.

  2. #2
    februar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fireworks Lit Up the Skies of Shanghai

    Quote Originally Posted by thedaffodils View Post
    Could someone please proofread and advise on the writing of mine? I would greatly appreciate even if you just drop a comment with a few words.







    Fireworks Lit Up the Skies of Shanghai


    Tonight I went to watch the musical fireworks, which was for the celebration of the 62th anniversary of the foundation of P. R. China, in Century Park with a friend of mine. We were told online tickets had been (or: were ) sold out, but the friend, who is from the US, was eager to see his first-ever fireworks in China, so we decided to try our luck, and went to see if we could get in there was any chance to get in. The lucky star was shining over our heads, because we not only got the tickets but also bought them much cheaper than the its face value-260 CYN, unbelievable to a scalper. It cost us just 150 CYN each ticket. Boy, it was a pretty good bargain!

    A very crowded shuttle bus took us to the Century Park from the Metro Century Park Station at around 5:30 pm. Jeez, the park was swarming with numerous people. The show began much later than we expected. Finally at 7:30 pm the long-awaited fireworks show, which consisted of two parts, launched - the first part was the Korean one, and the second was the Greek one launched. Then, the S. Korean National Anthem was played up. It was the first time for me (that) I had seen and listened to this absolutely magnificent performance, and most of people stood up to honour it. Later splendid fireworks lit up in the skies one by one accompanying the wows from the audience now and then. Some were colourful flowers in full blossom, some were twinkling little stars, some were cute smiling faces, some were like wriggling golden snakes, and some were simply fireworks resembling a waterfall, along with wonderful music... How amazing they were! I told my friend: “I am very proud of us human beings as we are the top dog of the animals, because we are way more creative than any other creatures.While I was gazing at those resplendent fireworks, the strange sentiment suddenly attacked me- how transient the fireworks were as our lives are... soon I shrugged the little bit of sadness off, and kept excitedly lapping the fireworks up until the end at 8:30.

    Before going there, we worried it might be raining tonight, so both of us took our umbrellas. Fortunately, the weather didn't really throw a cold blanket on us- raining, but just made me a little bit shivered under the extra warm overcoat of my friend (or: under my friend’s extra warm overcoat) because it turned windy and cooler...It was indeed a wonderful evening indeed!
    februar (no teacher)

  3. #3
    thedaffodils's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fireworks Lit Up the Skies of Shanghai

    Vielen Danke! Thank you very much for your correction.

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