In the first paragraph, you introduce things that you don't go on to develop like metaphor and alliteration. You should then justify this statement by showing how he uses them directly in the two soliloquies.
You open with a statement about changing behoviour and morals, but isn't one of the concepts of tragedy that the tragic hero has a flaw and that this flaw leads them to their death? In Hamlet's case, it is his indecision that is his flaw, isn't it? He has the opportunity to avenge his father's death, but doesn't kill his uncle, and this leads to the chaos at the end. Hamlet is certainly clever, but unable to decide and act quickly and many die as a result, though he finally resolves this, at the cost of his own life.
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