Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    ziawj2 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    231
    Post Thanks / Like

    Exclamation Please check my letter

    Last week I set an assignment on writing a letter of thanks(EILTS, 2009-02-01). The letter is based on the following situation:
    You organized for a relative a 90th birthday party in a hotel, many elderly guests attended this party which is of great success. Write a letter to thank the hotel manager. In your letter.1). give the details of the party2). the reason why the party so successful3).mention a stuff helped you a lot/ helps provided by a stuff of hote.

    I also wrote the letter to demonstrate the process of writing: outline, draft, diction, types of sentences, logical structure, etc.for my students.
    But I always think some expressions are Chinglish, and I am not sure whether the style is consistent or not.
    Could you help me correct it? Thanks!

    Dear Mr. Smith,
    On the second floor of your hotel, we threw a huge birthday pary for my ninety-year-old grandpa on Saturday, October 15..
    Through your stuff's effort, the party was extremely successful. the food you served, especially the main course, roast lamb, is a good choice for elderly guests, and the dessert, Tiramisu, is children's favorite. In addition, the emcee you provided was great for he could bring guests back to the precious memories as well as tell funny stories about my grandpa.He created an emotional, relaxed atmosphere for the party. Besides, the first-class service you offered was also a key to the success of the party. The waitors all the time walked around the hall without a rest to meet every guest's need, offering wine, plates, etc.
    Lastly, I perticularly give my thanks to a stuff, Mr. Black, for his big help. He hit on many brilliant ideas about the organization of the party, including decorating the hall, presenting my grandpa's old pictures and inviting surpriting guests to bring the party to a climax. Please convey to him my deep appreciation and thanks for what he did.
    Yours sincerely,
    Zia

  2. #2
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    28,167
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please check my letter

    Please stop cluttering up this forum by repeatedly posting the same message. This is the third time you have posted this - the second time today!

    I realise you must be disappointed that nobody has helped you, but volunteers often do not have the time for proof-reading and correction,

  3. #3
    ziawj2 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    231
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please check my letter

    Quote Originally Posted by fivejedjon View Post
    Please stop cluttering up this forum by repeatedly posting the same message. This is the third time you have posted this - the second time today!

    I realise you must be disappointed that nobody has helped you, but volunteers often do not have the time for proof-reading and correction,

  4. #4
    Vmalcom is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Ukraine
      • Current Location:
      • Denmark
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    2
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please check my letter

    Hi Zay. I am not an English teacher nor a native speaker, however, I have corrected the letter based on my feeling what sounds wrong.

    Advice:
    1. Always check the grammar in Microsoft world or other application with a spell checker.
    2. Avoid phrases that are used in every day language in a formal letters.

    Corrections:
    Dear Mr. Smith,

    By this letter I would like to thank you for a fantastic party that we hold for my ninety-year-old grandfather on Saturday, October 15.

    Through your stuff's effort, the party was extremely successful. The food you served was great. I would like to mention that the main course, roast lamb, is a good choice for elderly guests, and the dessert, Tiramisu, is children's favorite. In addition, the emcee you provided was great for he could bring guests back to the precious memories as well as tell funny stories about my grandfather. He created an emotional, relaxed atmosphere for the party. Besides, the first-class service you offered was also a key to the success of the party. The waiters walked all the time around the hall without a rest to meet every guest's need, offering wine, plates, and services.

    Lastly, I would like particularly give my thanks to a stuff, Mr. Black, for his big help. He came up with many brilliant ideas about the organization of the party, including decorating the hall, presenting my grandfather's old pictures and inviting surprising guests to bring the party to a climax. Please convey to him my deep appreciation and thanks for what he did.

    Yours sincerely,
    Zia

  5. #5
    ziawj2 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    231
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please check my letter

    Quote Originally Posted by Vmalcom View Post
    Hi Zay. I am not an English teacher nor a native speaker, however, I have corrected the letter based on my feeling what sounds wrong.

    Advice:
    1. Always check the grammar in Microsoft world or other application with a spell checker.
    2. Avoid phrases that are used in every day language in a formal letters.

    Corrections:
    Dear Mr. Smith,

    By this letter I would like to thank you for a fantastic party that we hold for my ninety-year-old grandfather on Saturday, October 15.

    Through your stuff's effort, the party was extremely successful. The food you served was great. I would like to mention that the main course, roast lamb, is a good choice for elderly guests, and the dessert, Tiramisu, is children's favorite. In addition, the emcee you provided was great for he could bring guests back to the precious memories as well as tell funny stories about my grandfather. He created an emotional, relaxed atmosphere for the party. Besides, the first-class service you offered was also a key to the success of the party. The waiters walked all the time around the hall without a rest to meet every guest's need, offering wine, plates, and services.

    Lastly, I would like particularly give my thanks to a stuff, Mr. Black, for his big help. He came up with many brilliant ideas about the organization of the party, including decorating the hall, presenting my grandfather's old pictures and inviting surprising guests to bring the party to a climax. Please convey to him my deep appreciation and thanks for what he did.

    Yours sincerely,
    Zia
    Thanks!

Similar Threads

  1. [Grammar] Please check my letter
    By akm2446 in forum Letter Writing
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 08-Aug-2011, 09:25
  2. Could anyone check this letter, please?
    By Martz in forum Letter Writing
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 03-Jun-2010, 15:56
  3. Can You check my letter please? Thank You
    By zotyapecs in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 03-Jun-2010, 00:33
  4. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 11-Mar-2010, 13:16
  5. Motivation letter, please, look through my letter and check it))
    By Irnes in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 28-Jan-2010, 23:49

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •