Hello, I'd like to know my mistakes and the score of this essay as task 2 in IELTS.
I need to get 8, please help me!!!!
I would like to know my mistakes and the score.
Succesful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Talent professionals who devote their lifes to sports can easily make a huge amount of money whereas others types of valuable professional find earning a great salary difficult. Some people believe is completely validated, however, others consider that is wrongful. I totally agree with the first opinion.
On one hand, those in favour of great salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons to be concerned about innate ability and performance. Anybody who adores no matter what profession and, in addition, has talent, he/she will surely succeed, by far, earn a great amount of money as a consequence. Moreover, sport is a special kind of profession on account of having a certain taugh challenge to achieve in important competitions.
On the other hand, there are many people who would argue that sport is simply a profession that not requires many years of academic study or experience so it should be considered less important. However, people who have others professions may not require talent, just only skills and experience to perform a job so it is far more difficult to be recognized. For example, there are too many people studying professions rather than doing sports so to be promoted to new positions require to beat a considerable amount of people.
In conclusion, people who have and perform their talent should deserve a great salary no matter the type of profession. Some professions are more difficult that others, however, the key to success is how to perform them.