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  1. #1
    kristina_002 is offline Newbie
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    Default plz correct my essay and score it from band 1 to 9

    Some people say all these advertisement are making people buy things they do not really need to. Discuss.

    Advertising in general is a way of public attraction to a product or organization as by paid announcement through various media,pamphlets, electronics like radio, television and so on.

    Certainly, advertising has let people buy goods beyond one's personal desire. It's a good thing that advertisement surely helps to be well known to different available goods and products in the market.But this however leads us in chaos for which product would be better since one wouldn't be sure of the quality and result it brings out.Thus, ultimately leading to huge expense due to human's immense eagerness. Furthermore, various advertisement on food and drink product in the market has brought about negative impact on small children as their immature mind being incapable of making a right choice.Also, people of all age group faces the same problem. However, on the contrary, we also can't deny that it has been providing job opportunities to many a people to earn their bread.

    To conclude, human are supposed to be the most civilized creation of the almighty who has the capability to analyze different goods and products. In addition, with the advancement in technology and computing, one with help of easy browsing can easily surf through the net on different products, analyze the difference and finally choose the one best appropriate for him. This way, he is less likely to shower his cash unnecessarily and live a healthy and happy life ahead.
    Last edited by kristina_002; 29-Oct-2011 at 12:49. Reason: I hope I improved my mistakes. If not sorry again!

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: plz correct my essay and score it from band 1 to 9

    Quote Originally Posted by kristina_002 View Post
    some people say all these advertisement are making people buy things they do not really need to. Discuss.

    Advertising in general is a way of public attraction to a product or organization as by paid announcement through various media, pamphlets, electronics like radio, television and so on.
    certainly, advertising has let people buy goods beyond one's personal desire It's a good thing that advertisement surely helps to be well known to different available goods and products in the market. But this however leads us in chaos for which product would be better since one wouldn't be sure of the quality and result it brings out.Thus, ultimately leading to huge expense due to human's immense eagerness. Furthermore, various advertisement on food and drink product in the market has brought about negative impact on small children as their immature mind being incapable of making a right choice. also, people of all age group faces the same problem. However, on the contrary, we also can't deny that it has been providing job opportunities to many a people to earn their bread.
    to conclude, human are supposed to be the most civilised creation of the almighty who has the capability to analyse different goods and products.in addition, with the advancement in technology and computing, one with help of easy browsing can easily surf through the net on different products, analyze the difference and finally choose the one best appropriate for him.This way, he is less likely to shower his cash unnecessarily and live a healthy and happy life ahead.
    Kristina, this is one of the essays I commented on before. Please edit it so that it has correct capitalisation and punctuation so that it is easier to read. Also, a double line space between paragraphs would be helpful.

  3. #3
    ndk13 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: plz correct my essay and score it from band 1 to 9

    Dear Kristina,
    i have read your essay and i admire your vocabulary. But there's a problem that i can see : Your essay doesn't have enough words. For writing task 2 IELTS, it needs to have over 250 words in total. But you only have 231 words. That maybe affect your band really much.
    p/s: this is just my opinion. My English maybe not as well as you but i just want to help

  4. #4
    kristina_002 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: plz correct my essay and score it from band 1 to 9

    Thank you so much ndk13 for your response. Umm yes, i wrote a bit less than the expected words.And I am glad you liked it.
    And regarding my ielts exam, i already took it on 5th Nov.
    But,I am really scared for I couldn't complete my conclusion part. I only had 4-5 words more to go but time just ran out before i could finish it. This will affect my band score, right?
    I hope for the best!

    And Thank You once again!
    (This Forum was indeed a great help for me)

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