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    ziawj2 is offline Member
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    Default Please check a letter of complaint

    Please check the letter in terms of diction, sentence logic, and coherence. Thank you !

    November 4

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I regret to have to inform you that your bank has made a mistake about my account whose number is XXXX-XXXX.

    A few days ago, your bank mailed me a letter stating that my account was $240 overdrawn in October and that I am expected to repay (or pay off )it and charged $70 for it before November 13. After learning it, I searched and checked carefully the account record of expenditure items from Auguest 1 to October 31 on an ATM. The result revealed that I did overdraw $240 in S & T Shopping Mall on Auguest 8. However, it has been paid off and charged $70 on September 13, which was shown on the repayment record. Besides it, there is no other consumption records in the account.

    Therefore, it is obvious that your bank system has calculated the deal twice. I would like you to make a detailed examination about the matter before your bank take the money from my account in November which will cause inconvenience to both sides.

    I am looking forward to your replay.

    Yours truly,

    Zia

  2. #2
    ColonelSFU is offline Newbie
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    Smile Re: Please check a letter of complaint

    Quote Originally Posted by ziawj2 View Post
    Please check the letter in terms of diction, sentence logic, and coherence. Thank you !

    November 4

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I regret to have to inform you that your bank has made a mistake about my account whose number is XXXX-XXXX.

    A few days ago, your bank mailed me a letter stating that my account was $240 overdrawn in October and that I am expected to repay (or pay off )it and charged $70 for it before November 13. After learning it, I searched and checked carefully the account record of expenditure items from Auguest 1 to October 31 on an ATM. The result revealed that I did overdraw $240 in S & T Shopping Mall on Auguest 8. However, it has been paid off and charged $70 on September 13, which was shown on the repayment record. Besides it, there is no other consumption records in the account.

    Therefore, it is obvious that your bank system has calculated the deal twice. I would like you to make a detailed examination about the matter before your bank take the money from my account in November which will cause inconvenience to both sides.

    I am looking forward to your replay.

    Yours truly,

    Zia
    1. There is no need to say "I regret to have to inform you" (tone). Here you can begin with a clear claim: Please honour your service agreement and refund the $70 charged for an overdrawn, which had already been charged.
    2. Please use a specific date rather than "a few days ago", which is vague.
    3. It is better to state what the mistake was at the beginning of the body paragraph, since it was an obvious mistake proved by clear evidence.
    4. Rather than simply saying you are expecting the reader's reply you can express your confidence that this error can be corrected and that the bank will honour your request for a refund without delay.
    5. Always use full name on the signature block of business letters.
    6. Enclose your evidence like the account record of your payment for both the overdrawn and the charged amount.

    Aaron

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