Help for my thesis statement.

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ismail1991

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I couldn't select which of them is better. Can you help me? Thank you in advence

  1. The need for reform in the Turkish higher education can be attributed that, the requirements of population cannot be fulfilled by the current higher education system, students getting education at higher education institutions don’t gain necessary qualifications, and the current higher education system has some significant flaws which must be corrected instantly.
  2. The need for reform in the Turkish higher education stem from that, the requirements of population cannot be fulfilled by the current higher education system, students getting education at higher education institutions don’t gain necessary qualifications, and the current higher education system has some significant flaws which must be corrected instantly.
 

ismail1991

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I think two of them is useable but I want to learn which of them is better. please help:)
 

februar

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I couldn't select which of them is better. Can you help me? Thank you in advence

  1. The need for reform in the Turkish higher education can be attributed that (no comma) the requirements of population cannot be fulfilled by the current higher education system, students getting education at higher education institutions don’t gain necessary qualifications, and the current higher education system has some significant flaws which must be corrected instantly.
  2. There is a need for reform in the Turkish higher education system [STRIKE]from that[/STRIKE] because the requirements of population cannot be fulfilled by the current higher educaton system, students getting education at higher education institutions don’t gain necessary qualifications, and the current higher education system has some significant flaws which must be corrected instantly.
The first sentence is better. But I would not write everything in one sentence, and also change the parts of the sentence. I have made an example.

The Turkish higher education system has some significant flaws which must be corrected instantly. The need for reform in the current system can be attributed that the requirements of population cannot be fulfilled. Students getting education at higher education institutions, for example, don’t gain necessary qualifications.
februar (no teacher)
 

cemelie

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The first sentence is better. But I would not write everything in one sentence, and also change the parts of the sentence. I have made an example.

The Turkish higher education system has some significant flaws which must be corrected instantly. The need for reform in the current system can be attributed that the requirements of population cannot be fulfilled. Students getting education at higher education institutions, for example, don’t gain necessary qualifications.
februar (no teacher)


In my opinion, the second corrected sentence is better. But ya, don't put everything in a sentence. Split it into 2 sentences. Add a comma after "by the current higher educaton system". :)
 

ismail1991

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Thank you for your advices. I will take into account what you advised me. :D
 
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