I have made some alterations to your essay that you may want to consider.
I also suggest that you think of a way of linking your paragraphs. Instead of writing Invasion of privacy... to introduce your first paragraph, and Crime... to introduce the second, why not use something like 'On one hand, cellphones have many advantages. For example...' and 'On the other hand, cellphones have many disadvantages. Like...'.
As for other ideas for the essay itself, what about texting in school (that annoys the teachers), and text language (tht wld b gr8!) - I'm sure this also annoys the teachers and worries the parents that maybe their child will forget how to write correctly.
There are many advantages and disadvantage to mobile phones. In this essay I have tried to include most of them
This essay will tryin order to help you decide onwhether or not to buy a mobile phone for your 10 year old.
Mobile phones have become popular among many people
to everybody since it isas they are very convenient. The mostbiggest advantage of having a mobile phone is that you can communicate towith family and friends no matter whatwhere you are. Your child’s mobile phone will provide asbe a useful resourcetool when they tryingwant to communicate with someone. It will be the fastest way to contact you with a text or call in an emergency (other than talking face to face with each other), and you will be able to contact your daughter any time you want (as long as her phone is turned on) no matter where you are. Having a phone could be a way to let go of your protective self, over yourand to let your child and let hergrow up with more independence.
Invasion of privacy,When using a phone, your child’s personal details, like her phone number, could be stolen without her knowing. She could have her photos, texts, videos etc. stolen off her phone. One way to prevent this is to put a password on her phone that is not easily recognized by many people. for example monkey. Words like this areA password like monkey, for example, is easy for a thief to guess and use to hack into your child's phone. Numbers are quite hard for thieves to remember when they are watching you type inyour password in.
Crime,In the UK there are lotsis a lot of crime, especially stealing orand cyber bullying. Here is a graph of victims and suspects. At a young age there are not many victims, but it is still a huge problem especially whenif you have the latest phone smodel. Thieves tend totry to steal the latest phonemodels so they can sell itthem for big money. Ways to keep your phone safe isare to keep it in a pocket, not visible, when aroundin public, and to only not to text or calluse your phone in public places unlessin an emergency.
- For Teachers