Need help for Toefl essay correction

Status
Not open for further replies.

Monte_Cristo

Member
Joined
Nov 18, 2011
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
China
Current Location
China
Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to take the most difficult or challenging classes in college or at university even if it means that you probably will not get top grades (marks) in them.

My essay:
Many students tend to choose easy courses in college because this choice enables them to have more spare time and get high grades easily. As far as I am concerned, I would rather opt for the most difficult and challenging classes even though I cannot get top grades in them.

We are living in an increasingly competitive world the population of which has exceeded 7 billion. Ever since the beginning of our lives, we have to compete for almost everything. Obtaining the access to the college is not an easy task. Given that we have fulfilled that arduous task, we should not indulge ourselves in comfort. It’s true that colleges provide a haven for students to get detached from the reality. However, life is much tougher outside the college and everyone has to leave the ivory tower. To survive in this highly competitive world, one has to equip himself with the techniques necessary for future advancement. To acquire those techniques before entering the job market, one has to push himself hard, i.e. , challenge himself.

Choosing easy classes may lead to high scores, but the student may have the illusion that success is not difficult to achieve and tend to be readily satisfied. In contrast, students who choose the most difficult classes have to work much harder to earn comparable scores, and in reality it is nothing else than the process of constantly pursuing brilliance that makes a person distinguished. Only when a person leaves his comfort zone can he make considerable progress. In other words, challenges are the best tool to fully fulfill one’s potential. We all witness that most of the successful individuals embrace challenges and set strict demands on themselves.

Furthermore, conquering challenging classes is best able to afford the student the sense of achievement. A person may not be excited about an easy job he has finished, but performing a daunting task can be uplifting and build up the person’s self-confidence.

Finally, I would like to conclude my writing with a line in the renowned India movie “Three Idiots” : Follow excellence and success will chase you.

Help will be greatly appreciated : )
 

februar

Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2011
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
German
Home Country
Switzerland
Current Location
Switzerland
Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to take the most difficult or challenging classes in college or at university even if it means that you probably will not get top grades (marks) in them.

My essay:
Many students tend to choose easy courses in college because this choice enables them to have more spare time and get high grades easily. As far as I am concerned, I would rather opt for the most difficult and challenging classes even though I cannot get top grades in them.

We are living in an increasingly competitive world as the population [STRIKE]of which[/STRIKE] has exceeded 7 billion. Right from the moment of our birth, we have to compete for almost everything. No wonder that obtaining the access to the college is not an easy task. Given that we have fulfilled that arduous task, we should not indulge ourselves in comfort. It’s true that colleges provide a haven for students to get detached from the reality. However, life is much tougher outside the college and everyone has to leave the ivory tower. To survive in this highly competitive world, one has to equip oneself with the techniques necessary for future advancement. To acquire those techniques before entering the job market, one has to push oneself hard, i.e., challenge oneself.

Choosing easy classes may lead to high scores, but the student may have the illusion that success is not difficult to achieve and tend to be readily satisfied. In contrast, students who choose the most difficult classes have to work much harder to earn comparable scores, and in reality it is nothing else than the process of constantly pursuing brilliance that makes a person distinguished. Only when a person leaves his comfort zone can he make considerable progress. In other words, challenges are the best tool to fully fulfill one’s potential. We all witness [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] most of the successful individuals embracing challenges and setting strict demands on themselves.

Furthermore, conquering challenging classes is best able to afford the student the sense of achievement. A person may not be satisfied with an easy job he has finished, but performing a difficult task requiring courage can be uplifting and build up the person’s self-confidence.

Finally, I would like to conclude my writing with a line in the renowned India movie “Three Idiots”: Follow excellence and success will chase you.

Help will be greatly appreciated : )

februar, no teacher
 

Monte_Cristo

Member
Joined
Nov 18, 2011
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
China
Current Location
China
Thank you for your help : )
 

Monte_Cristo

Member
Joined
Nov 18, 2011
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
China
Current Location
China
I don't understand why 'himself' should be replaced by 'oneself'. Can you explain a little bit about it? Thank you!
 

5jj

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Oct 14, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
Czech Republic
Current Location
Czech Republic
I don't understand why 'himself' should be replaced by 'oneself'. Can you explain a little bit about it? Thank you!
In BrE, if one uses 'one,' one stays with it all the way. One looks at oneself in the mirror, and brushes one's teeth.
 

Monte_Cristo

Member
Joined
Nov 18, 2011
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
China
Current Location
China
Thanks! It helps!
 

februar

Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2011
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
German
Home Country
Switzerland
Current Location
Switzerland
In BrE, if one uses 'one,' one stays with it all the way. One looks at oneself in the mirror, and brushes one's teeth.

If you start with "one" take oneself
If you start with "you" take yourself (best version to me)
If you start with "he" take himself (out of place here)

Decide for one version - don't change from one to the other.


To survive in this highly competitive world, one has to equip [STRIKE]himself[/STRIKE] oneself with the techniques necessary for future advancement. To acquire those techniques before entering the job market, one has to push [STRIKE]himself[/STRIKE] oneself hard, i.e. , challenge [STRIKE]himself[/STRIKE] oneself.

To survive in this highly competitive world, you have to equip yourself with the techniques necessary for future advancement. To acquire those techniques before entering the job market, you have to push yourself hard, i.e. , challenge yourself.
 

usharao

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2011
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Hindi
Home Country
India
Current Location
India
Please grade my essay and give me rating 0 to 6.

:?:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to take the most difficult or challenging classes in college or at university even if it means that you probably will not get top grades (marks) in them.

Despite their being a lot of advantages in selecting the hard subject in college or at university,I prefer to take a subject which is easy to read and understand .Below are the few points which i have made to support my opinion.

First,Universities and colleges are the places where we need to learn some new things both in general way and educational way.The first step after in the college is to select the main stream or subjects.Few things we need to keep in mind while selecting the subject are, we should be able to follow it,we should feel over selves interesting about it,we should have confidence on it.If a subject is following all the qualities that we want, then their is no harm in following the subject.

Second,Every student will know ones own caliber.Selecting the suitable subject to over own knowledge will bring the subject near and study well.It makes us to read the subject in depth with out any feel of hesitation to read which bring good credits to us.So,following the most likely is the effective way always.

In Conclusion,It is better to take a subject according to our caliber.In which we can give 100 percent .So, that we can gain good grades and great confidence.
 

februar

Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2011
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
German
Home Country
Switzerland
Current Location
Switzerland
Please grade my essay and give me rating 0 to 6.

:?:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to take the most difficult or challenging classes in college or at university even if it means that you probably will not get top grades (marks) in them.

Despite many advantages of those classes providing strenuous subjects in colleges or at universities, I prefer [STRIKE]to take[/STRIKE] a class which is easy to manage and understand. Below are a few points which I have made to support my opinion.

First, universities and colleges are the places where we need to learn some new things both in general way and educational way. The first step [STRIKE]after[/STRIKE] in a college is to select the main [STRIKE]stream or[/STRIKE] subjects (BrE = main subjects / AmE = majors). Some things we need to keep in mind while selecting a subject is, we should be able to follow it, we should be interested in it, and we should have confidence in it. If a subject includes all the qualities that we want, then it will be easy to follow.

Second, every student will know his own level.(calibre (BrE = calibre / AmE = caliber). Selecting the [STRIKE]suitable[/STRIKE] subject suitable to our own knowledge will bring the subject nearer to us and enable us to study well. We will be able to read the subject in depth without any [STRIKE]feel of[/STRIKE] hesitation [STRIKE]to read[/STRIKE] which bring good credits to us. So, following this effective way seems most likely to lead to success.

In conclusion, It is better to take a subject according to our level in which we can give one hundred percent commitment. So, [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] we can gain good grades and great confidence.
 

usharao

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2011
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Hindi
Home Country
India
Current Location
India
thanks for your suggestion.....
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top