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  1. #1
    ziawj2 is offline Member
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    Default rewriting a notice

    I rewrote a notice because I thought it was too simple and did not include necessary information to make readers know about the news. But I am not sure whether the changes in red are proper or not, and whether the changes are natural and acceptable to native speakers. Could you help me check? Thank you!
    Volunteers Needed
    January 9, 2012
    Because there will be an international conference on globalization to be held in Beijing on May 16, 2012, volunteers are being recruited by the Postgraduates’ Association. Any graduate student interested in participating the activity could come to our office on the fifth floor of the College Office Building before March. 1, 2012.
    Postgraduate Association
    Volunteers Needed
    January 9, 2012
    There will be an international conference on globalization to be scheduled for May 16, 2012 at Yifu Conference Center of Beijing University. Volunteers are being recruited to greet and attend to guests from 8:00 to 17:00 that day with 1 hour break at noonby the Postgraduates’ Assocation. Any postgraduate student interested in participating in the activity could come to our office to put down your name on the fifth floor of the College Office Building before March. 1, 2012.
    Postgraduate Association

  2. #2
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: rewriting a notice

    Quote Originally Posted by ziawj2 View Post
    I rewrote a notice because I thought it was too simple and did not include necessary information to make readers know about the news. But I am not sure whether the changes in red are proper or not, and whether the changes are natural and acceptable to native speakers. Could you help me check? Thank you!

    Volunteers Needed

    January 9, 2012
    Because there will be An international conference on globalization to will be held in Beijing on May 16, 2012., Volunteers are being recruited by the Postgraduates’ Association to greet and attend to guests from 8:00 to 17:00 . Any graduate student interested in participating in the activity could should come to our office to register for the activity on the fifth floor of the College Office Building before March. 1, 2012.
    Postgraduate Association


    Volunteers Needed


    January 9, 2012

    There will be an international conference on globalization to be scheduled for May 16, 2012 at Yifu Conference Center of Beijing University. Volunteers are being recruited to greet and attend to guests from 8:00 to 17:00 that day with 1 hour break at noonby the Postgraduates’ Assocation. Any postgraduate student interested in participating in the activity could come to our office to put down your name on the fifth floor of the College Office Building before March. 1, 2012.
    Postgraduate Association
    I prefer the first version with changes indicated.

  3. #3
    ziawj2 is offline Member
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    Default Re: rewriting a notice

    Quote Originally Posted by billmcd View Post
    I prefer the first version with changes indicat
    Thank you for your check!

    Do I need to replace the expression "any graduate student" with "any postgraduate student" to make it consistent?

    And the signature part "Postgraduate Association" is replaced by "Postgraduates' Association" for the same reason.
    Last edited by ziawj2; 27-Nov-2011 at 01:06.

  4. #4
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: rewriting a notice

    [QUOTE=ziawj2;826696]Thank you for your check!

    Do I need to replace the expression "any graduate student" with "any postgraduate student" to make it consistent? I don't think it's necessary. And, in fact, I don't think "s" apostrophe (Postgraduates') is necessary either unless the association always uses that form.

    And the signature part "Postgraduate Association" is replaced by "Postgraduates' Association" for the same reason. See above.[/QUOTE]
    b.

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