TO: Department Managers
FROM: Mackintosh Smith
DATE: April 3, 2012
SUBJECT: In-Service Computer Class
From April 28, Computer Class will be held on Saturdays for two months. There will be 2 groups: intermediate level and advanced level.
Please encourage your staff to attend one of the sessions. All teaching materials will be provided.
Please send me the names of all interested staff by next Friday. These staff will take a test the week before May.
In the above memo, I have some questions about two words and a sentence:
1. Department Managers
Does "Division Managers" have the same meaning as "Department Managers"? Ifso, which one is more natural?
2. Please encourage your staff to attend one of the sessions.
Are the words “groups” and “levels” more proper than “sessions”? Because “groups” and “levels” are mensioned above. Do you think so?
3. Please send me the names of all interested staff by next Friday. These staff will take a test the week before May.
I thought the word "me" would make readers feel puzzled because they had to look through back to find out who is "me", so I preferred changing it to the person's name.
In the previous sentence, "staff" has been mentioned, so I changed it to "they" to be coherent. And finally, "the week before May" also will take readers some time to know when they will take a test, so I changed it to "the last week in April".
I made the following change:
Please send Mackintosh Smith the names of the staff interested in by next Friday. They will take a test in the last week of April.
What is your opinion? And besides these, are there any other problems in the memo? Thank you!
Last edited by ziawj2; 28-Nov-2011 at 01:37.