Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    ziawj2 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    231
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default please check a memo

    Please check the memo below to make it unified, coherent well developed.
    Memorandum
    To: All staff
    From: Cloria dos Santos, Director
    Date: December 8, 2012
    Subject: Staff Christmas Party
    Please notice that this year’s Christmas party will be December 18, from 11:00 to 15:00. We will be having a picnic in the park across the road. Your children and partners are welcome.
    Please let Lily know by December 9 how many people from your family are coming. This will help with catering.

  2. #2
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    28,168
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: please check a memo

    I've made one small change. Otherwise it's fine, in my opinion.
    Quote Originally Posted by ziawj2 View Post
    MemorandumTo: All staff
    From: Cloria dos Santos, Director
    Date: December 8, 2012
    Subject: Staff Christmas Party
    Please notice that this year’s Christmas party will be December 18, from 11:00 to 15:00. We will be having a picnic in the park across the road. Your children and partners are welcome.
    Please let Lily know by December 9 how many people from your family are coming. This will help with catering.
    If you wanted to be a little more informal, the body of the memo could read:

    We look forward to welcoming you and your partners and children at our Christmas party, which will be held this year on December 18 from 11.00 to 15.00. We'll be having a picnic in the park across the road.
    Please let Lily know by December 9 how many people from your family will be coming; this well help us with the catering arrangements. Thank you.
    Please do not edit your question after it has received a response. Such editing can make the response hard for others to understand.


  3. #3
    ziawj2 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    231
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: please check a memo

    Quote Originally Posted by 5jj View Post
    I've made one small change. Otherwise it's fine, in my opinion.If you wanted to be a little more informal, the body of the memo could read:

    We look forward to welcoming you and your partners and children at our Christmas party, which will be held this year on December 18 from 11.00 to 15.00. We'll be having a picnic in the park across the road.
    Please let Lily know by December 9 how many people from your family will be coming; this well help us with the catering arrangements. Thank you.
    Are the following changes necessary?
    1. Your family memebers are welcom to our Christmas party, which will be . . . .
    I think "you and your partners and children" are a little wordy, so I change it to "family members" . And "we" is the first person pronoun which seems a little subjective, so I use the origianal objective as the subject in the above sentence.
    2. Please notify Lily by December 9 . . . .
    I think "let sb. know" is less formal than "notify".

Similar Threads

  1. Pls check my draft inter office memo
    By Eugene1982 in forum Letter Writing
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 02-Feb-2010, 21:20
  2. Memo
    By Unregistered in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-Mar-2009, 02:22
  3. Please check my self evaluation memo
    By bbmak in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-Aug-2006, 12:05
  4. Please check this short memo !!!
    By hookeba in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 25-Feb-2006, 01:15
  5. MEMo, please check
    By dorasamms in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 19-Jul-2005, 11:15

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •