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  1. #1
    duiter is offline Member
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    Default Is this sentence correct ?

    Dear all,

    Is this sentence correct and natural ?


    In conclusion, the world would be a better place to live in if every nations should be willing to provide an assistance to its neighbors.

    Many thanks

  2. #2
    SlickVic9000's Avatar
    SlickVic9000 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct ?

    (Not a Teacher)

    "In conclusion, the world would be a better place to live in if every nation s should would be willing to provide an assistance to its neighbor."

  3. #3
    jegan0825 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct ?

    NOT A TEACHER!
    Quote Originally Posted by duiter View Post
    Dear all,

    Is this sentence correct and natural ?


    In conclusion, the world would be a better place to live in if every nations should be willing to provide an assistance to its neighbors.

    Many thanks
    I would suggest you to use "To conclude" instead of "In conclusion" and "are willing" instead of "should/would be willing".

  4. #4
    Barb_D's Avatar
    Barb_D is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct ?

    "Are willing" does not work with "if every nation."
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  5. #5
    jegan0825 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct ?

    Yeah! Guess i missed that! Sorry!
    Then we can use "every nation is willing" instead.

  6. #6
    TheParser is online now VIP Member
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct ?

    [QUOTE=duiter;828667]



    natural ?



    NOT A TEACHER


    I most respectfully suggest that some writing teachers would suggest that you

    avoid terms like "in conclusion" or "to conclude." They feel that such terms are

    unnecessary and "old-fashioned" sounding. Furthermore, I think those terms are

    ambiguous. When you say "in conclusion," you could mean (a) All right. I am going

    to stop talking now, or (b) The following sentence is what I think about what I have

    been telling you.

    If you mean (a), then some people would suggest that a speaker just conclude. To

    tell the audience that you are going to stop is rather insulting. Furthermore, if you

    stop talking without telling your audience ahead of time, it will be more dramatic and

    leave a bigger impression on your audience.

    If you mean (b), then you could possibly say something like:


    The world, then, would be a much better place if every nation were willing to

    help its neighbors.


    P.S. It's not necessary to say "to live in"/ "in which to live" because those words

    are obvious. Writing teachers, I believe, advise us to CUT out every unnecessary

    word.

  7. #7
    bhaisahab's Avatar
    bhaisahab is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct ?

    I prefer this:
    "In conclusion, the world would be a better place to live if every nation were willing to provide assistance to its neighbours."

  8. #8
    TheParser is online now VIP Member
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct ?

    [QUOTE=TheParser;828810]










    I most respectfully suggest that some writing teachers would suggest that you

    avoid terms like "in conclusion" or "to conclude."


    NOT A TEACHER


    (1) An advanced learner has just sent me a private message in which the sender

    says that my sentence above is poorly written (the sender used very courteous

    language to get across this idea).

    (2) The sender is absolutely correct. That sentence is horrible. While I was writing it,

    I realized that using the verb "suggest" twice was not the best idea. The sender, however,

    pointed out more serious flaws.

    (3) The sender's main point was my use of the first "that." The sender pointed out that

    my sentence should have read:

    I most respectfully suggest what (that which) some writing teachers would suggest

    is that you avoid terms like "in conclusion" and "to conclude."

    (4) This is just another example to show that many learners know grammar better than

    many native speakers!

    EDIT: It also shows why it is imperative that non-teachers write "Not a Teacher" at the very beginning of their posts.
    Last edited by TheParser; 03-Dec-2011 at 10:20.

  9. #9
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct ?

    Quote Originally Posted by duiter View Post
    Dear all,

    Is this sentence correct and natural ?

    In conclusion, the world would be a better place to live in if every nations should be willing to provide an assistance to its neighbors.

    Many thanks
    In conclusion, the world would be a better place to live if every nation were willing to provide assistance to its neighbours.

    Edit: I have just realised that I have posted precisely the same sentence as Bhaisahab, which I managed to miss on my first read-through. Please note that I didn't just copy someone else's work!

  10. #10
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this sentence correct ?

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    In conclusion, the world would be a better place to live if every nation were willing to provide assistance to its neighbours.

    Edit: I have just realised that I have posted precisely the same sentence as Bhaisahab, which I managed to miss on my first read-through. Please note that I didn't just copy someone else's work!
    That's OK, but how could you both leave out "in" from "a better place to live in"? Do you really both prefer, "The world would be a better place to live if ..."?

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