[Grammar] Please help me to correct first email to Professor for PhD interest

[thaistudent]

Hi everyone,
I am preparing now my first email to contact professor for PhD position interest.
Please help me to make correction.
................................................................................................................
[FONT=&quot]Email:

Dear Professor XXX,[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]My name is XXX, I graduated with a Master of Science in Environmental Management, in April 2011 from the Ecology Center at the University of XX, XX. During my master´s degree, I conducted my master’s thesis in the field of forest management. In this study, I evaluated the forest certification systems used in Thailand by comparing them to the standards of the Forest Stewardship Council (FSC) and I also investigated the potential improvements to these systems. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I am writing you in response of my interest for doing PhD study in the field of Vegetation Ecology and Biodiversity at the Section Biodiversity, Evolution and Ecology of Plants, University of XX.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]My research abilities have been developed over my academic years during my bachelor´s degree in agricultural biotechnology and master´s degree in environmental management, enabled me to gain academic and experimental experience, especially in the field of ecological research, sustainable agriculture and natural resource management.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Regarding my interest in vegetation and restoration ecology, conservation and global change biology, I have learned from your website that you are heading a research project on topic “XXX” which involves “The Southern African Science Service Centre for Climate Change and Adaptive Land Use (SASSCAL)”, “The Restoration Experiments in South Africa”, and “The Future Okavango (TFO)” as well, which is closely related to my own field and interest and I would be very happy if I could join your team.[/FONT]

I have enclosed my letter of interest and curriculum vitae and if you have any questions, I can be reached by phone at XXX or email at XXX. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications and the PhD position in more detail. Please let me know if you need additional documents.

[FONT=&quot]Yours sincerely,[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]XXX (Mr.)[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]

 

[Gretchenplay]

Hello Thaistudent!
I have made a few adjustments to your email.
Good luck!


Email:

Dear Professor XXX,

I am writing [STRIKE]you in response of[/STRIKE]to express my interest [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE]in doing my PhD study in the field of Vegetation Ecology, [STRIKE]and [/STRIKE]Biodiversity ([STRIKE]at the[/STRIKE] in?) Section Biodiversity, and Evolution and Ecology of Plants at the University of XX.

[STRIKE]My name is XXX, [/STRIKE]I graduated with a Master of Science in Environmental Management in April 2011 from the Ecology Center at the University of XX, XX. [STRIKE]During my master´s degree,[/STRIKE] I conducted my master’s thesis in the field of forest management. In this study I evaluated the forest certification systems used in Thailand by comparing them to the standards of the Forest Stewardship Council (FSC).[STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] I also investigated ([STRIKE]the[/STRIKE]?) potential improvements to these systems.


My research abilities have been developed [STRIKE]over[/STRIKE]during my academic [STRIKE]years[/STRIKE]studies.[STRIKE]during [/STRIKE]Through my bachelor´s degree in agricultural biotechnology, and master´s degree in environmental management, [STRIKE]enabled me to[/STRIKE]I have gained [STRIKE]academic and[/STRIKE] experimental experience, especially in the fields of ecological research, sustainable agriculture and natural resource management.

[STRIKE]Regarding my[/STRIKE]I have a great interest in vegetation and restoration ecology, conservation and global change biology, and have learned from your website that you are heading a research project [STRIKE]topic[/STRIKE] “XXX” [STRIKE]which involves[/STRIKE]involving “The Southern African Science Service Centre for Climate Change and Adaptive Land Use (SASSCAL)”, “The Restoration Experiments in South Africa”, and “The Future Okavango (TFO)” [STRIKE]as well[/STRIKE], which is closely related to my own field [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE]of interest,[STRIKE] and[/STRIKE] I would be very happy if I could join your team.

I have enclosed my letter of interest and curriculum vitae.[STRIKE] and[/STRIKE] If you have any questions, I can be reached by phone at XXX or email at XXX. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications and the PhD position in more detail. Please let me know if you need any additional documents.

Yours sincerely,

XXX (Mr.)

 

[thaistudent]

Thank you so much Gretchenplay!!!

 

[konungursvia]

You should start with:

I am pleased to apply for the position of _____ in the department of ______ at the University of ______. My research interests are ________ and ________.

Your letter should cover a page or two and should include what you've actually done in your research in greater detail.