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  1. #1
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    Default Please Need Paragraph Correction

    Hi Teachers,

    I've written this paragraph. Could you help me correct it, please?


    Arthur, Deborah’s husband, got up really early this morning. He got up at six thirty because he wanted to take the eight o’clock train to London. Unfortunately, when he arrived at the train station the train wasn’t there. Arthur was puzzled, so he told the station attendant, Where's the train? It’s only seven fifty-five and it always leaves at eight. The station attendant said, "The train left at eight sharp. It's now five after eight. Your watch is ten minutes slow."


    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Please Need Paragraph Correction

    Quote Originally Posted by learning54 View Post
    Hi Teachers,

    I've written this paragraph. Could you help me correct it, please?


    Arthur, Deborah’s husband, got up really early this morning. He got up at six-thirty because he wanted to take the eight o’clock train to London. Unfortunately, when he arrived at the train station the train wasn’t there. Arthur was puzzled, so he toldsaid to/asked the station attendant, Where's the train? It’s only seven fifty-five and it always leaves at eight. The station attendant said, "The train left at eight sharp. It's now five after eight. Your watch is ten minutes slow."


    Thanks in advance.
    With the exception of the incorrect use of the verb "tell", and the hyphen requirement in six-thirty, it's fine.

    My only query would be why all the times are written in words, not numbers. This may just be a style question and I know that some writing guides insist on it. Personally I would have put 6.30, 8.00, 7.55, 8.05. The only place where I probably would have put the number is with "eight sharp" although even then I would probably have said "8.00 sharp".

    When people read that in their heads or aloud, they will automatically convert the numbers to times because the context makes it clear that they are times.

    If a sentence in a book reads "He got up at 6.30 to catch the 8.00 train", the words I read in my head are "He got up at six thirty to catch the eight o'clock train".

    Otherwise, though, it's very good.

    Note that in BrE, you would need to say "It's now five past eight", not "five after eight", which is AmE.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Please Need Paragraph Correction

    Hi emsr2d2,
    Thank you so much for your reply and advice.

    'Personally I would have put 6.30, 8.00, 7.55, 8.05.'
    Don't we have to write the hours with a colon instead of a dot, that is '6:30, 8:00, etc? Are both possible?

    Thanks again.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Please Need Paragraph Correction

    Don't we have to write the hours with a colon instead of a dot, that is '6:30, 8:00, etc? No
    .
    Are both possible? Yes.

  5. #5
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please Need Paragraph Correction

    I equate the use of a colon in written times with the 24-hour clock. So, I would write:

    20:00
    22:30

    but with the 12-hour clock, I would use the full stop:

    8.00 p.m.
    10.30 p.m.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Please Need Paragraph Correction

    Quote Originally Posted by 5jj View Post
    Don't we have to write the hours with a colon instead of a dot, that is '6:30, 8:00, etc? No
    .Are both possible? Yes.
    Hi,
    Thank you for your reply.

    Best,
    L54

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    Default Re: Please Need Paragraph Correction

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I equate the use of a colon in written times with the 24-hour clock. So, I would write:

    20:00
    22:30

    but with the 12-hour clock, I would use the full stop:

    8.00 p.m.
    10.30 p.m.
    Hi,
    Thank you for your reply and explanation.

    Best,
    L45

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