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  1. #1
    rainous's Avatar
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    Default A court ruling was delivered

    A court ruling was delivered not acknowledging the custody and parental rights of a father who interfered with court-ordered maternal visitation.


    Does the above sentence read well?

    If not, how about these two?

    A court delivered a ruling not acknowledging the custody and parental rights of a father who interfered with court-ordered maternal visitation.

    A court delivered a ruling that does not acknowledge the custody and parental rights of a father who interfered with court-ordered maternal visitation.


    Also, I want to know if putting the indefinite article "a" in front of court is grammatical.

    Thanks

  2. #2
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    Default Re: A court ruling was delivered

    Quote Originally Posted by rainous View Post
    A court ruling was delivered not acknowledging the custody and parental rights of a father who interfered with court-ordered maternal visitation.


    Does the above sentence read well? No, not really.
    How about: The court ruled to deny custody and parental rights of a father who interfered with court-ordered maternal visitation.
    or A court ruling denied custody and parental rights of a father who interfered with court-ordered maternal visitation.


    Also, I want to know if putting the indefinite article "a" in front of court is grammatical. In the second example above, yes.

    Thanks
    You're welcome !
    John

  3. #3
    rainous's Avatar
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    Default Re: A court ruling was delivered

    I appreciate your suggestions.

    I am trying to come up with a sentence I can start a legal news article with, a sentence that can
    convey the nuance that this is a rather noteworthy ruling that has set a legal precedent.

    Would there be more indirect way of introducing the ruling?

    I think I want to start with "The court delivered a decision..." or something similar to that and then have it followed by the description of the decision.

    Would someone help me flesh that out?

    Thanks for your time.
    Last edited by rainous; 07-Dec-2011 at 12:43.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: A court ruling was delivered

    OK, well, this is getting clearer.

    A news article is reported speech.

    The case to which the decision applies was named, what? Something like Smith versus Smith?

    I would start by quoting the case then follow by reporting the outcome.

    In Smith vs. Smith, the court delivered a decision..... (but remember, reported speech favors brevity). So, it might be better to say "In Smith vs. Smith, the court decided..."

    John

  5. #5
    rainous's Avatar
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    Default Re: A court ruling was delivered

    If I wanted to keep the case to which the ruling was applied anonymous,
    would the following rewrite do the trick?

    In a court decision delivered recently, the court denied the custody and parental rights of a father who interfered with court-ordered maternal visitation.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: A court ruling was delivered

    If you're doing a news article, keep boiling down and boiling down until you're left with only the essential concepts:

    court decision
    father interfered
    mother's visitation
    lost custody and parental rights

    Lose the words that don't help: delivered a decision, etc.

    Pick the shortest, punchiest words you can: Denied, lost, revoked not "refused to acknowledge." Mother, not maternal.

    Then string them grammatically.

    A recent court decision revoked a father's custody and parental rights for interfering with the mother's court-ordered visitation.

    Make it a game to remove as many words as you can and still not lose any essential information.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: A court ruling was delivered

    Barb has said it best:
    A recent court decision revoked a father's custody and parental rights for interfering with the mother's court-ordered visitation.

  8. #8
    rainous's Avatar
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    Default Re: A court ruling was delivered

    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    A recent court decision revoked a father's custody and parental rights for interfering with the mother's court-ordered visitation.
    I feel refined...

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