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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    Default only a few lines to check.... thx

    After graduating from Zurich Business School and a three-year education programm with UBS, I started my studies at Zürcher Hochschule Winterthur. Due to a negative assesment result in 2005, I reconsidered my plan and I decided to go further on my professional development. I would like to take this step with **COMPANY**.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2004
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    Default Re: only a few lines to check.... thx

    Quote Originally Posted by refee
    After graduating from Zurich Business School and a three-year education programm with UBS, I started my studies at Zürcher Hochschule Winterthur. Due to a negative assesment result in 2005, I reconsidered my plan and I decided to go further on my professional development. I would like to take this step with **COMPANY**.
    Zurich or Zuerich?
    Please start all over again.

    Negative assessment - you start your cover letter saying you basically could not handle school.
    I reconsidered my plan - it sounds like you are applying for a job but it is option 2/2
    Further on my professional development - fluff, your potential employer wants to know what you can do for them.
    I would like - you would like or you want?

    You may think this is harsh - anything wishy washy moves to file 13 - out of sight. Try again! Sit in front of a mirror and talk like you are in an interview then write it out.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
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    Default Re: only a few lines to check.... thx

    Your cover letter needs to be rewritten. It only shows your negative attitude. I'm sorry to write this, but this is true. A well-written cover letter is a most effective tool in your job hunt. To ensure that you make it into the probables pile you must create a targeted, professional cover letter that ensures your resume is given the attention it deserves.

    Also, the spelling of 'assesment' is wrong. It should be assessment.
    ---------------------------------------
    Last edited by Tdol; 25-Mar-2006 at 08:20.

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