Results 1 to 3 of 3
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Hindi
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jan 2010
    • Posts: 191
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #1

    a paragraph for yoru review

    Hi all,

    Please review a few last lines of my story below:

    --------------------------

    Mama realized that the Shiny had a better time than if Mama wouldn’t have allowed her daughter to organize her room herself. Mama observed that the Shiny had a great enthusiasm when trying the thing the way Shiny wanted. Mama was amazed to see how Shiny’s friends were engaged better than ever by themselves with a lot of laughter. Mama asked Shiny if she wanted to continue her idea of hanging everything to the ceiling. Shiny was so tired and her hands and neck were so sore that she just hugged her Mama and fell asleep. When Shiny woke up in the morning, she understood that it takes experience to get the things working. For the first time Shiny was happy to follow her Mama’s rule at least for the day.

    ---------------------------

    Thanks in advance
    Gauri

  1. februar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • German
      • Home Country:
      • Switzerland
      • Current Location:
      • Switzerland

    • Join Date: Sep 2011
    • Posts: 146
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Re: a paragraph for your review

    [QUOTE=gauri_agr;834549]
    a paragraph for your review

    Hi all,

    Please review a few last lines of my story below:

    --------------------------

    Mama realized that the Shiny had a better time than if Mama hadn’t allowed her daughter to organize her room herself. Mama observed that the Shiny showed great enthusiasm when trying the things in the way Shiny wanted. Mama was amazed to see how Shiny’s friends were engaged, better than ever by themselves, with a lot of laughter. Mama asked Shiny if she wanted to continue her idea of hanging everything on the ceiling. Shiny was so tired and her hands and neck were so sore that she just hugged her Mama and fell asleep. When Shiny woke up in the morning, she understood that it takes experience to get the things working. For the first time Shiny was happy to follow her Mama’s rule at least for the day.

    ---------------------------

    Thanks in advance
    Gauri

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Hindi
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jan 2010
    • Posts: 191
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #3

    Re: a paragraph for yoru review

    thanks februar for your corrections

    Gauri

Similar Threads

  1. paragraph review
    By felix_felices in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 26-Dec-2010, 04:45
  2. paragraph --Can you Please check this paragraph writing‎ -‏
    By soofy19 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 13-Jun-2010, 15:43
  3. Please review my Descriptive Paragraph
    By Ferilaya in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 24-Feb-2009, 14:08

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •