[General] is it written correctly ?

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globsticks

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Hello,
I wrote the paragraph below and wanted to check with you if it is properly written, your insights will be helpful.
Thank you in advance,
Luis

Subject : “Let’s Go Viral” Campaign


Hello Guys!
( insert here web address ) is now available at the University of Northern Minnesota. Meeting new people in College has never been easier... 100% free online dating. If you like the website, forward this same link to your friends. All the Best,
The your website name Team
 

emsr2d2

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Hello,
I wrote the paragraph below and wanted to check with you if it is properly written, your insights will be helpful.
Thank you in advance,
Luis

Subject : “Let’s Go Viral” Campaign


Hello [STRIKE]Guys[/STRIKE] everyone!
( insert here web address ) is now available at the University of Northern Minnesota. Meeting new people in College has never been easier ... 100% free online dating. If you like the website, forward this [STRIKE]same[/STRIKE] link to your friends. All the best,
The your website name Team

It's fine as an informal announcement of a new dating website. I've only made a couple of amendments:

- Remove the word "same" before "link" (and of course you need to add the link).
- No capital letter is required on "best"
- I've left in the ellipsis (three dots in a row) and added a space at the beginning. However, I'm not sure you need it. I think a dash would be better.
- I changed "guys" to "everyone". Even though "guys" is frequently used when addressing people of both sexes, the fact that this is a dating website might suggest that "guys" means it's only aimed at men.
 

globsticks

Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2011
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Spanish
Home Country
Peru
Current Location
Peru
It's fine as an informal announcement of a new dating website. I've only made a couple of amendments:

- Remove the word "same" before "link" (and of course you need to add the link).
- No capital letter is required on "best"
- I've left in the ellipsis (three dots in a row) and added a space at the beginning. However, I'm not sure you need it. I think a dash would be better.
- I changed "guys" to "everyone". Even though "guys" is frequently used when addressing people of both sexes, the fact that this is a dating website might suggest that "guys" means it's only aimed at men.


I made the suggested corrections, is it looking better now?

Hello everyone!
(insert here web address ) is now available at the University of Northern Minnesota. Meeting new people in College has never been easier ... 100% free online dating. If you like the website, forward this email to your friends. All the best,
The your website name Team


Because the website name is going to be shown as a link at the beginning , then it would be redundant to have the link inserted back again in the text. Since this text is an email I am calling it by its name so people can forward it to their friends and hope the email gets viral.
 

globsticks

Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2011
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Spanish
Home Country
Peru
Current Location
Peru
I made the suggested corrections, is it looking better now?

Hello everyone!
(insert here web address ) is now available at the University of Northern Minnesota. Meeting new people in College has never been easier ... 100% free online dating. If you like the website, forward this email to your friends. All the best,
The your website name Team


Because the website name is going to be shown as a link at the beginning , then it would be redundant to have the link inserted back again in the text. Since this text is an email I am calling it by its name so people can forward it to their friends and hope the email gets viral.

Hello
I am wondering if when I write :

(insert here web address ) is now available at the University of Northern Minnesota
is it correct to precede universities names with : The or can I say:
(insert here web address ) is now available at University of Northern Minnesota
or
(insert here web address ) is now available at UNM

so should I always write before universities names with the when the particular name allows it or should I ignore using The before universities names.

Thanks in advance,
 
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