- For Teachers
First essay just needs a few adjustments, otherwise, it's good enough
First essay needs to be rewritten all over again
Second essay just needs a few adjustments, otherwise, it's good enough
Second essay needs to be rewritten all over again
Please proof read two of my common app essays:
Here's the one about elaborating on extracurricular activities:
Any activity about acting excites me. I just love the variety of characters I get to portray or I get to act around with on stage or in the classroom. Each of them has different circumstances, perspectives, and emotions, and I feel grateful to have the opportunity to live in their shoes even for a short period of time. Whenever I act I feel an adrenaline rush: one step into the spotlight, then I’m gone and someone else is present; someone whose thoughts I’ve contemplating on for the last few weeks, someone whose actions and gestures I have been guessing, someone whose whole life story has been revealed to me- to the point at which I think I have befriended this ‘someone’. And this someone has also relieved me from the stress and pain of my own life: helping me to forget for a few hours, teaching me new lessons on how to face my life, and allowing me to release all my bottled up emotions while using ‘someone’s’ emotions as my excuse; and I enjoy acting because of that.
And here's another one about any significant experience which has impacted me:
Beethoven was deaf; Francisco Tarrega was blind; Mozart was an abused child prodigy, and I am the tone deaf student who took GCSE Music. Maybe I was being naïve when I decided to pick Music for my GCSE, maybe I was being irrational, but whatever the reason was, I surely will never regret my choice.
Punk rock used to be my only favorite genre. I could still remember listening to my first punk rock song, ‘All the Small Things’ by Blink 182, when I first entered the school bus in Grade 4. It had fast electric guitar strumming and heavy drum beats in the intro as if exposing the teenage craze of the time. If I didn’t transfer school I would still be a punk rocker.
My transition from a punk rocker to a music lover was catalyzed by 20th Century Music, which we studied in my new school’s GCSE Music course. One piece which really stood out amongst others to me was John Cage’s 4 minutes and 33 seconds. I found it so mind blowing that although every element of music was absent, beneath the utter silence was music created by the audience themselves. I learnt that whatever type of music it is, there will always be something to appreciate in it.
Similarly, I discovered that whatever culture it is, there will always be something to appreciate in it; and this served as a very useful tool for me when I shifted school. Everyone had different cultural backgrounds and ideas, and I struggled to understand some of them. For example, I used to be baffled by the idea that Muslim girls shouldn’t shake men’s hands. But then I sought for a common ground with them. Thus, I began to respect the conservative nature of my muslim friends, to appreciate spicy food, and to dance to Bhangra.
Furthermore, aside from broadening my horizons, I have also learnt to dream and to never let anything stop me from achieving it; just like how Beethoven, Tarrega, and Mozart pushed boundaries to overcome the obstacles which hindered them from reaching their full musical potentials. When I chose the pieces I played for my GCSE Music Practical Exam, my teacher and my family thought I was being too ambitious. I agree, I was tone deaf and I had never played Classical Guitar before. So, they gently tried to convince me to change my mind. However, I wanted to face the challenge to push myself to the limit. Thus, I committed myself with the first pieces I chose: Study in E Minor by Francisco Tarrega, and How Deep is Your Love by Beegees. By practicing for hours every day, I have built up my confidence until the day when we had to record my performance, which turned out as good as I wanted it to be.
At the end of the year I have been chosen to receive my school’s Beethoven Award for Excellence in Music, and I also got an A grade in my GCSE Music Exam. Nevertheless, it will always be those rich and valuable lessons which Music humbly taught me that will remain with me forever. My life will never be the same again: now, Punk Rock is no longer my only cup of tea.