Nice stuff AMK-future writer,
I offer a few suggestions, and must say good on you for writing a story in your second language! Amazing. Keep it up.
“At last, I have found it.” He shouted with joy, gripping the book in his right hand while standing on two golden rods that were more than likely elephant teeth (or maybe tusks?). There were two of them,
their size waseach about 7 foot or abovemore in height, their end ings meeting at the book that was lying open edon a violet stand. (I thought the book was in his right hand?)
“What was it that you were searching for, master?” His servant
saidasked. His face was notugly, but wasbetter than the four other soldiers who were standing still in front of the golden rods. Every solider there was wearing a green suit, withcoat and [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] hat.
“First of all” He raged “I am no
morelonger master” he said, still holding the book, interested in what was written in it. His expression sshowed that he was impressed by the secret golden book.
“Then what are you my master?” the solider replied (to be consistent, maybe you should write 'his servant replied'). The others' expressions showed they were waiting for the response,
More likely,what was going to happen?
“I am the king of this planet!” he cried with joy, his eyes were now
off from the book and were now aton histhe solider who was continuously (persistently?) asking questions. On the other handThe solider was feeling that the end of his life was this, this sticky end (how is his end sticky?).
“Now if you
won’tdon't mind, may I ask a question, my king?” theanother solider, repliedwho was behind the depressed solider, asked. He was somehowbraver than he looked for he barely had aany meat on his skeletonbones.
"Yes, you all can ask as
muchmany questions as you want for then aftersoon I will give you no choice" he replied andas he came down from the gold slide on which he was standing on.
howwhy are you so sure that you will be able to defeat lord drake Jordan?.”
“Why would it be difficult?” the future (why future? you have already said that he is now king) king replied.
"I think that even for you it
is as it’swill be really difficult, very difficult, you see he has approximately 90 and 300 (could you say 390?) 5 headed dragons for security, and if you askmore than half of the planet is giving him support. All of them believe he is the king of planet ‘pilotonio’.
“This is the greatest sign of
beingcowardice, having this muchsuch a big army, but what good will it do when the whole army including dragons cannot defeat a single person?”
“But who is the person that won’t be crushed by this
much(maybe immense? huge? massive?) army?” the solider replied amazed.
TheKing HEGAMONT, and you all will see thathow those cowards will run away and willnever return.” He replied, and looked upon the other soliders leaving the other one as it is (I don't understand this.). He was now drinking an energy drink for he had lost all thehis strength drainedduring the eye contact with Hegamont.
Edward,(who is Edward?) don’t try to move or it will be the worse for you. Hegamont said breaking his eye contact with second one and looking upon the first
“But why am I to be stuck here. There is no reason
tofor it.” He replied at once.
(If Edward is the servant mentioned in the beginning of the story, I think you should call him by his name throughout. It will make the story less confusing)
- For Teachers