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  1. #1
    Arronjjyy is offline Newbie
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    Default Could you please correct my essay?


    Hello teachers and students,
    I am one of the students eagerly wish to improve English. I know my English is poor but I have patient in learning. I have written an article, and it is provided after correct by myself. Could you give me a better correction? And I am grateful for all your suggestion. Thank you in advance.

    This is the IELTS writing topic: Opinions divided concerning what plays a more important role in people's personality development, nature or nurture, what is your opinion.

    Following is my article:
    Nature and nurture both have influence on people’s character construction. The discussion of which one is more important has been argued for a long time without a precisely outcome.

    It has became a common sense that gene has an insidious influence on human individuality. People’s gene is inbred and unchangeable, it is impossible to find two people with same gene. So it is irrealizable to make experiments to measure the influence degree of people nature. The twins have the most similar gene and some researches reveal that even twins bring up by two different family, they have a highly resemblance on character and temperament. Obviously, nature will influence the personality development all the life.

    But it does not mean personalities have been fixed after born. The education, experience and growing environment will change people a lot and have contribution to make up their individualities. We all know that the events people experience will change their mind and character, for example, after serve in the ranks people will become more persistent and dauntless. In the same way, the different nurture will bring different change in people’s personality development.

    Both nature and nurture will influence people’s individuality, and until today people still quest which one play a more important roles in people’s life. It is hard to give a definite verdict now, but I believe all the people could give the child more positive influence by excellent nurture.



  2. #2
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Could you please correct my essay?

    Hello teachers and students,
    I am one of the a student who and I eagerly wish to improve my English. I know my English is poor but I have am patient in learning to learn. I have written an article and it is provided posted here after correct by myself I have checked it. Could you give me a better correction correct my English? And I am grateful for all your suggestions. Thank you in advance.

    This is the an IELTS writing topic: Opinions are divided concerning what plays a more important role in people's personality development - nature or nurture. What is your opinion?
    The following is my article:

    Rewritten version:
    Nature and nurture both influence the development of people’s characters. The debate on which plays a greater role has been going on for a long time without a definite consensus.

    It is common sense that the genes directly influence a person’s behaviour. Genes are innate and unchangeable. It is impossible to find two people with the same genes. Thus, it is not feasible to do tests and measurements to study the effect of genes on people’s characters. Twins have the most similar genes and research have revealed that even twins brought up by different families bear resemblance of character and temperament. As such, nature has a lifelong effect on the development of the personality.

    It does not mean personalities are set after birth. Education, exposure, experience and the environment in general have a great influence on people and help mould their personalities. We all know that events that happened can have profound effect on people’s mindset and character. For example, after serving in the forces, people are likely to be more disciplined and resolute. In the same way, different conditions of nurture would bring about different changes in peoples' personalities.


    Between the two factors of nature versus nurture, people today still wonder which plays a greater role in people’s lives. It is hard to give a definite verdict now but I believe good nurture and upbringing do contribute positively to moulding a child’s character.

  3. #3
    Arronjjyy is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Could you please correct my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by tedtmc View Post
    Hello teachers and students,
    I am one of the a student who and I eagerly wish to improve my English. I know my English is poor but I have am patient in learning to learn. I have written an article and it is provided posted here after correct by myself I have checked it. Could you give me a better correction correct my English? And I am grateful for all your suggestions. Thank you in advance.

    This is the an IELTS writing topic: Opinions are divided concerning what plays a more important role in people's personality development - nature or nurture. What is your opinion?
    The following is my article:

    Rewritten version:
    Nature and nurture both influence the development of people’s characters. The debate on which plays a greater role has been going on for a long time without a definite consensus.

    It is common sense that the genes directly influence a person’s behaviour. Genes are innate and unchangeable. It is impossible to find two people with the same genes. Thus, it is not feasible to do tests and measurements to study the effect of genes on people’s characters. Twins have the most similar genes and research have revealed that even twins brought up by different families bear resemblance of character and temperament. As such, nature has a lifelong effect on the development of the personality.

    It does not mean personalities are set after birth. Education, exposure, experience and the environment in general have a great influence on people and help mould their personalities. We all know that events that happened can have profound effect on people’s mindset and character. For example, after serving in the forces, people are likely to be more disciplined and resolute. In the same way, different conditions of nurture would bring about different changes in peoples' personalities.


    Between the two factors of nature versus nurture, people today still wonder which plays a greater role in people’s lives. It is hard to give a definite verdict now but I believe good nurture and upbringing do contribute positively to moulding a child’s character.
    Thank you so much! Your version enlightens me a lot, and I am highly benefited by it! My word is too scarce to convey my gratitude! Thank you!

  4. #4
    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Could you please correct my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by Arronjjyy View Post
    Thank you so much! Your version enlightens me a lot, and I am highly benefited by it (I benefitted a lot from it). ! My word is too scarce to convey my gratitude (Words are not enough to express my gratitude)! Thank you!
    You are welcome. I am glad you find it useful.
    Last edited by tedtmc; 07-Jan-2012 at 10:27.

  5. #5
    Arronjjyy is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Could you please correct my essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by tedtmc View Post
    You are welcome. I am glad you find it useful.
    You are a warmhearted teacher, all your suggestions are very useful! Thank you!

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