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  1. #1
    mypursue is offline Newbie
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    Default Could someone correct my essay!

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    Last edited by mypursue; 17-Jan-2012 at 11:51.

  2. #2
    mypursue is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Could someone correct my essay!

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    tedtmc is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Could someone correct my essay!

    Part 1 - Paragraphs 1 -3 corrected
    What are today’s people up to? How and what difference are they going to make to shape the future of the world? The rise of the internet and the dozens of social media platforms have changed the way we communicate and interact with each other. Communication technologies have changed our society, especially with the appearance of various social media which have played an indivisible(? lead/significant) role in the transformation process of modern society. Freedom of speech and communication seems to be convenient(?the norm) on social media platforms. In 2011, in big events such as the London riot, occupy(? collapse) of Wall Street, uprising against dictatorship rule in Tunisia, Egypt, Libya and Syria, networks like Facebook and Twitter played a crucial role. (Park, Choi, & Park, 2011) The social media were being used to disseminate information and to organize demonstrations in a very efficient way that had never been done before. People’s voices are heard by rest of the world with the help of the social media.

    The social media provide stronger connectivity between users. With the social media, it is easier than ever to share breaking news, broach a social issue, and exchange opinions in real time to a massive audience. People collect and share information. One is aware of what is going on in the world just by watching trending topics from social media sites such as Twitter. This has led to the development of a nearly instantaneous means of spreading news.

    Some electronic products of the 80’s and 90’s were still considered as luxury goods, either too expensive or simply not affordable to the common people, like the personal computer. It was a high-tech device used only in the university, military or large corporations. Things have been changing since the beginning of the 21st century whereby some electronic products were considered as ordinary product and a necessity. This is due to the decreasing cost of computers, mobile phones or other types of devices and associated equipment, as well as due to the increasing capabilities and functionalities of the hardware and associated internet technologies. Nowadays, enormous number of people in the world have access to the internet.

    *
    The 20th century is 1901 – 1999. We are in the 21th century now, not the 20th.
    ? - words used are not appropriate
    The language used is very inconsistent. The use of articles is a problem thoughout.
    Last edited by tedtmc; 08-Jan-2012 at 14:47.

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