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  1. #1
    AMK-future writer's Avatar
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    Smile My first edited novel

    Dear all,
    i first posted my book and the remarks were better than i expected. for some said, you have to improve, some said if you want to be professional wait for 4 years or more. after remarks i edited my book with the help of "GRETCHEN PLAY". i am going to post my edited book again and want to see a result to write further more.


    CHAPTER I: HEGAMONT ARISES.
    “At last, I have found it.” He shouted with joy, gripping the book in his right hand while standing on two golden rods that were more than likely elephant tusks. There were two of them each about 7 feet or more in height, their end meeting at the book that was lying open on a violet stand before getting in the hands of this devil.
    “What was it that you were searching for, master?” His servant Edward asked. His face was ugly, but better than the four other soldiers who were standing still in front of the golden rods. Every solider there was wearing a green suit, coat and strike hat.
    “First of all” He raged “I am no longer master” he said, still holding the book, interested in what was written in it. His expression showed that he was impressed by the secret golden book.
    “Then what are you my master?” his servant replied. The others' expressions showed they were waiting for the response, what was going to happen?
    “I am the king of this planet!” he cried with joy, his eyes were now off on the solider who was persistently asking questions. The solider was feeling that the end of his life was this, this sticky end for he knew that if that abnormal is going to kill him then he will be wet with blood.
    “Now if you don't mind, may I ask a question, my future king?” another solider, who was behind the depressed solider, asked. He was braver than he looked for he barely had any meat on his bones.
    "Yes, you all can ask as many questions as you want for soon I will give you no choice" he replied as he came down from the gold slide on which he was standing.
    “Sir-oh...King, but why are you so sure that you will be able to defeat lord drake Jordan?”
    “Why would it be difficult?” the future king replied.
    "I think that even for you it will be really difficult, very difficult, you see he has approximately 390 5 headed dragons for security, and more than half of the planet is giving him support. All of them believe he is the king of planet ‘pilotonio’.
    “This is the greatest sign of cowardice, having such a big army, but what good will it does when the whole army including dragons cannot defeat a single person?”
    “But who is the person that won’t be crushed by this huge army?” the solider replied amazed.
    “It’s me. King HEGAMONT and you all will see how those cowards will run away and never return.” He replied, and looked upon the other soldiers. He was now drinking an energy drink for he had lost all his strength during the eye contact with Hegamont.
    Edward, don’t try to move or it will be the worse for you. Hegamont said breaking his eye contact with second one and looking upon the first.
    “But why am I to be stuck here. There is no reason for it.” He replied at once.

    The second solider was running away for he thought this was the best moment to run away from the reach of that abnormal Hegamont, he was quarter way from the main gate when Hegamont gripped him through invisible bonds that tightened him cruelly. He quailed in pain but what he could do against Hegamont. Not only he but everyone here or in the world did not know what was written in the book.
    “I will like to end your game here, right now.” Hegamont said rising his hand toward the second one and shouted: “laphorism” a red laser beam shoot away and hit on the chest of the deer solider. “You….are….insane” breathed the poor solider and suddenly he was still.
    “You killed my best friend” shouted Edward “you think that only you are magician, I will show you what magic is.” Then he took out a wand that was bright blue in color and the endings were shining in red.
    He pointed it at the chest of the murderer and shouted “Rambo kister”
    Rainbow color beam released from the wand and enlightened the Hall and everybody next to Edward was blown away except Hegamont, even the hall was quaked and was blown away and the bricks were falling down on Edward and Hegamont for there was no one left.
    “You think you will be able to kill me by this wand.” You could have hoped to kill me by hand magic but this, this will do nothing to me and by the way I am unfortunately, ultimate and invulnerable. All credit to the book.” Hegamont said sounding proud on him, and amazed that Edward was still standing.
    “Will you tell me that what was on that tiny golden book that makes you invincible?” Edward said hopeless.
    “This little book was holding 12 forbidden spells. That’s why it is known as “DEAD 12”. Once you learned them you are invincible. Only the great kings of past were able to follow the right path after learning these spells.”
    “That’s why you are able to stand even after the dark spell”
    “Yes, but there is something I don’t understand”
    “What”
    “How you are able to stand even after the bricks fall upon you.”
    “Ah, so you do not know this. It is to be ashamed for.”
    “I want answer not advice” Hegamont said then spluttered out “servant”
    “Not yours” Edward said not minding at all.
    “Sipsterk” said Hegamont pointing his hand at the opponent’s chest.
    The opponent was blown a mile away and was lying on the broken bricks.
    “The king will be joining you soon” he said and disappeared into thin air leaving the dust to rustle.
    “Son of a ….” Even before completing his sentence he left the world for good.




    waiting............

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is online now Moderator
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    Default Re: My first edited novel

    It would be better if you posted this in the "Editing and Writing Topics" section of the forum. This piece is really too long for this section, which is designed for single, specific questions.

    Thank you.

  3. #3
    AMK-future writer's Avatar
    AMK-future writer is offline Junior Member
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    Wink Re: My first edited novel

    how to post it in writing and editing topics
    please be quick.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: My first edited novel

    Quote Originally Posted by AMK-future writer View Post
    How to do I post it in the "Writing and Editing" topics?

    please be quick.
    You just click on the "Forums" button at the top and then choose "Editing and Writing" section instead of the "Ask a Teacher" one.

    In response to your "please be quick" - please be patient and remember that we are all helping you in our own time here.

  5. #5
    AMK-future writer's Avatar
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    Default Re: My first edited novel

    thanks for telling me and i have copied it there.
    thanks for supporting me in given time. i don't know why but i feel proud when someone is helping me. please proofread my novel. hello to bassim and 5jj. if you are there then you can help me out with this edited one.

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