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    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Shona
      • Home Country:
      • Zimbabwe
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Jan 2012
    • Posts: 3
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    #1

    How can l make this paragraph in my cover letter flow

    I am applying for a summer internship position with CG Power Systems in hopes to gain hands-on experience to complement my academic background. Currently, I am a fourth year student at the University of Toronto , pursuing a bachelor’s degree in Electrical Engineering. My focus area is Energy and Power Systems. I have a thorough understanding of systems and concepts used in the generation, transmission, delivery, utilization, storage and control of electric power and energy. This semester I am taking a course which deals with the constructional features, analysis, modeling, and applications of three phase transformers. Your company being a one of the world’s top ten manufacturers of three-phase transformers, working for it as a summer intern would provide me with an opportunity to work with the very best in the world and solidify my understanding of power systems.

    I am an engineering student who also happen to have english as his second language. I would need help to make this paragraph in my cover letter flow nicely and eloquently. What changes can l make ? Your help is greatly appreciated.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Jun 2006
    • Posts: 2,130
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    #2

    Re: How can l make this paragraph in my cover letter flow

    How cando l make this paragraph in my cover letter flow

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I am applying wish to apply for a summer internship position with CG Power Systems in hopes to gain hands-on experience to complement my academic background.

    Currently, I am a fourth year student at the University of Toronto , pursuing a bachelor’s degree in Electrical Engineering. My focus area is Energy and Power Systems. I have a thorough understanding of the systems and concepts used in the generation, transmission, delivery, utilization, storage and control of electric power and energy. This semester, I am taking a course which deals with the constructional features, analysis, modeling(BrE modelling), and applications of three-phase transformers. Your company, being a one of the world’s top ten manufacturers of three-phase transformers, working for it as a summer intern would provide me with an the opportunity to work with the very best in the world and solidify. The experience gained would reinforce my understanding of power systems.


    I am an engineering student who also happen to have english as his and English is my second language. I would need help to make this paragraph in my cover letter flow nicely and eloquently. What changes can l make ? Your help is greatly appreciated.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Shona
      • Home Country:
      • Zimbabwe
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Jan 2012
    • Posts: 3
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #3

    Re: How can l make this paragraph in my cover letter flow

    Thanks very much for the help. I wrote my last paragraph of the cover letter, is it alright :

    My academic qualifications meet the requirements for internship positions within your company. I am a very dedicated individual with strong problem solving skills, a passion to learn new things, and an unmatched tenacity and ability to complete challenging tasks. I believe that my experience, passion and drive for excellence will prove to be an asset to your company. Thank you very much for your consideration in this matter.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Jun 2006
    • Posts: 2,130
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #4

    Re: How can l make this paragraph in my cover letter flow

    My academic qualifications meet the requirements for internship positions within your company. I am a very dedicated individual person with strong problem-solving skills, a passion to learn new things (no comma here) and an unmatched tenacity and ability to complete challenging tasks. I believe that my experience, passion and drive for excellence will prove to be an asset to your company. Thank you very much for your consideration in this matter.

    I wouldn't say I am 'unmatched' in anything.

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