Please correct my motivation letter

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Elena1989

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Hi! My name is Veronica, I am from Belarus. I want to enter to the university in Italy. I wrote a motivation letter, but I worry about my English. Can anyone check my letter for English correctness? I will also grateful if somebody can tells me is it good motivation letter? I just have never wrote it, so it's my first motivation letter.
Thank you for reading.
 
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billmcd

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Hi! My name is Veronica, I am from Belarus. I want to enter to the university in Italy. I wrote a motivation letter, but I worry about my English. Can anyone check my letter for English correctness? I will also grateful if somebody can tells me is it good motivation letter? I just have never wrote it, so it's my first motivation letter.
Thank you for reading.

UNIVERSITY OF -/-
Programme: Quantitative Finance

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am a five-year student majoring in economics of the Faculty of -/- at -/- University. I would like to apply for the Master of Quantitative Finance programme in the Faculty of Economics at University of -/-.

I [STRIKE]started paying attention to [/STRIKE] became interested in finance [STRIKE]at[/STRIKE] during the second year of my education [STRIKE]within[/STRIKE] in the study of international economics. At that time [STRIKE]in the world [/STRIKE] [STRIKE]there was developing the global financial crisis[/STRIKE] a global financial crisis was developing, which began to particularly interest me. [STRIKE]I initiated the writing of the research project about the global financial crisis on the thesis: [/STRIKE]My thesis was based on my research project of the world-wide problem and titled: "Global Financial Crisis: Peculiarities and Impact [STRIKE]upon[/STRIKE]On the World Economy" and "Comparative Analysis of Anti-recessionary Policy in the USA and European Union." During the research I [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] also studied the impact of the global financial crisis [STRIKE]also[/STRIKE] upon the Republic of Belarus. I [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] found the financial market, particularly the securities market in Belarus is [STRIKE]almost not developed [/STRIKE] basically undeveloped and the economy requires the inflow of foreign investments, development of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] financial instruments and methods of financial market regulation. I decided that a career in the financial area in my country can give me many opportunities, but also it will make possible for me to help develop the financial market and to facilitate attracting [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] foreign investments in Belarus.

Since August of 2011 I have [STRIKE]started[/STRIKE] been working in the State Design Company "-/-". I immediately took the initiative and offered myself as an assistant in the preparation of the section, "[STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] Efficiency of Investments". I analyzed the state project, in which I [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] calculated the financial ratios and the efficiency indicators of investments, and I [STRIKE]have [/STRIKE] assessed the project risks. Working in the state enterprise I [STRIKE]got added [/STRIKE] gathered additional evidence that Belarusian companies need[STRIKE]s [/STRIKE]new methods and tools [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] for financial analysis, specialized software and more professional[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] workers in the financial area. At the present I work in the investment company "-/-" as an investment specialist. I [STRIKE]make[/STRIKE] develop financial models and analyze the market. My duties also include express-evaluation of companies, risk assessment, preparation of documents related to mergers and acquisitions, attraction of investments, business correspondence with foreign partners / investors, and translation of documents in English.

Working for six months in the investment area, I experienced the need [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] for more in-depth knowledge in this field. I found that the efficiency of investments depends primarily on the accuracy of risk assessment and analysis of financial data. The Master Programme will enable me to get [STRIKE]this [/STRIKE]specialized knowledge in the particular area of "Quantitative Finance". It should be noted that in Belarus there is [STRIKE]no analogue [/STRIKE] nothing similarily available [STRIKE]of [/STRIKE] to the programme of Quantitative Finance and such in-depth knowledge I can only get abroad.

Moreover, I have a mathematical mind; I graduated from the Gymnasium of Physics and Mathematics №51 in Minsk with honours. Studying in the programme of Quantitative Finance I will be fully able to use my mathematical skills.

I deliberately chose the University of -/-: because it is one of the oldest universities in Europe with a long history of excellence and some of the best teachers. Besides, I have studied Italian as a second foreign language in my university. I want to mention also that when I was 11 years old, I traveled to Italy [STRIKE]by[/STRIKE] with the programme "Children of Chernobyl", and stayed with an Italian family for two months, I [STRIKE]already[/STRIKE] knew then that I would definitely study Italian. Studying in Italy will be conducive to my improvement of the Italian language, exploring the Italian culture, as well as [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] its financial system and the economy of Italy. Even in my research project about the global financial crisis, I paid much attention to the anti-recessionary policy of Italy, and I'll be glad to get the opportunity to conduct research of the financial system right in the country. [STRIKE]Thus,[/STRIKE] I also participated in the programme, Work and Travel USA. I learned about American culture and mentality, practised my English, so that now I successfully apply for communicating with business partners from the United States.

The knowledge I will gain in the [STRIKE]learning[/STRIKE] study of Quantitative Finance and the international experience would help to develop the financial market of Belarus, to apply innovative ideas for my country's methods of financial analysis and risk assessment, to validate the financial profitability of investment projects, to develop business relations between Belarus and the European Union, particularly with Italy. The newest methods of assessment and analysis of financial data will enhance the confidence of foreign investors [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] in investment projects. I believe that it will ensure a secure inflow of foreign direct and portfolio investments to the Republic of Belarus. I aim to become a professional who would be able to facilitate positive changes in investment the life of Belarusian society.

Yours faithfully

Some suggestions. Good luck. :up:
 
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