your essay is not bad at all!
I have made some suggestions below.
It has been claimed that visitors should adhere to local customs while staying in a foreign country. Others argue that host countries should be expected to show some openness and tolerance towards visitors' behaviour being different from local habits. (this is a bit awkward. You might want to reword it)
This essay will look at some of the arguments for and against visitors following local customs while staying abroad.
There are many reasons why visitors should try to behave like locals.
First of all visitors can easily avoid conflict and express respect for locals and their cultural and religious feelings by behaving like them. Probably the most obvious examples are for tourists to avoid drinking alcohol, wearing revealing clothing and kissing in public if locals consider this behaviour inappropriate.
NowadaysGlobalisation and tourism alreadyhave impacted heavily upon local customs and traditions, and differences between many countries have been evened out (this doesn't sound right to me). It can be vital for the survival of local customs and traditions that visitors respect them and show some interest.
In addition visitors are more likely to gain insight into a host county and its culture by following local customs. Even if they do not know the details of the culture, their behaviour can show interest and locals are probably more welcoming towards visitors behaving sensibly.
On the other hand I don‘t think visitors can or should follow local customs in every case. With cultural difference often being subtle, visitors might simply lack knowledge about the local customs. Certainly language barriers, lack of time or interest contribute to keeping visitors from having detailed knowledge of what is considered adequate (acceptable?) behaviour. Furthermore if visitors try to imitate a local custom in a dilettantish (superficial?) way it can come across as respect less (disrespectful?)
Generally some aspects of local customs might clash with the visitors' expectations of their stay or holiday in the host country. It is clear that not being able to wear a bikini in public will probably cause problems for visitors coming to a country for a beach holiday.
Another point is a host country might profit significantly from tourists,
vestingand so it is reasonable to expect some degree of tolerance and openness towards visitors from the local population.
In summary, after considering both points of view, i think visitors should make a basic effort to adapt their behaviour in a way that does not conflict with local customs in a foreign country to make their stay more enjoyable for themselves and locals. However this might not always be possible or desirable for the visitors, so there are times when visitors are better off
tofollowing their own customs.