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    • Join Date: Jan 2012
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    #1

    Wink Opinion essay needs checking :)

    Hello friends :)
    My name is Tom and I'm new user of this forum.
    I 've written the opinion essay on '' People have not been created to live in a city.
    Everybody should live in village."
    Could someone check if my composition is grammatically correct ?

    Some people believe that Homo sapiens have not been created to live in cities and all of us should live in villages. Is this old-fashioned assertion right ? How would our lives change if we moved out from cities and settled in villages ? These are the questions we need to answer.

    First and foremost, Ages ago well-developed cities did not exist which allows me to state
    that it is certainly possible for a human to live without cities.
    Nowadays all cities are being polluted by cars and factories. Human lungs cannot filter out
    harmful substances which are in the air. In villages the air is much clearer so we do not have to worry about diseases like a lung cancer.
    Many citizens are overwhelmed by immense skyscrapers and annoying traffic jams. The opportunity to admire marvelous landscapes in villages would make them happier.
    As we know, city life involves eating unhealthy meals such fast-foods which is dangerous for our health.The lack of ecological food in our diet is the main cause of problems with overweight.
    If we lived in a village, we would have an access to fresh fruits and vegetables.

    On the other hand, life without cities may have its drawbacks. Today everybody is accustomed to using new technologies. Hardly anyone could carry out his duties without modern devices like computers or mobile phones. When everyone lived in the village, industry would not function properly. Consequently we would have been deprived of all these amenities.
    In addition to this, life in village may be dull. There is not enough entertainment to enjoy. For instance you cannot go to bar and clubs nor watch sports events like a football match.
    Moreover, universities are not build in villages so students do not receive higher education there and society does not progress.

    To sum up, people would be much healthier if they lived in rural environment. However living in village does not give us many opportunities also does not allow us to develop our mental potential. People who value night life and access to shopping centres would be disappointed when they had to move out from cities.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
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      • New Zealand
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      • South Korea

    • Join Date: Nov 2011
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    #2

    Re: Opinion essay needs checking :)

    Hello TomeK.
    Here are some suggestions.

    Some people believe that Homo sapiens were not created (I might change this to meant) to live in cities, and that all of us should live in villages. Is this old-fashioned assertion right? (Don't put spaces between words and punctuation marks) How would our lives change if we moved out from (use either out of or away from) the cities and settled in villages? These are the questions we need to answer.

    First and foremost, ages ago well developed cities did not exist which allows me to state that it is certainly possible for a humans to live without cities. Nowadays all cities are being polluted by cars and factories, and human lungs cannot filter out the harmful substances which are in the air. In villages the air is much clearer (cleaner?) so we do not have to worry about diseases like a lung cancer. Many citizens are overwhelmed by immense skyscrapers and annoying traffic jams. The opportunity to admire marvelous landscapes in villages would make them happier. As we know, city life involves eating unhealthy meals, such as fast-foods, which are dangerous for our health.The lack of ecological (organic?) food in our diet is the main cause of problems with overweight (obesity?). If we lived in a villages, we would have an access to fresh fruits and vegetables.

    On the other hand, life without cities may have its drawbacks. Today everybody is accustomed to using new technologies. Hardly anyone could carry out his duties without modern devices like computers or mobile phones. If everyone lived in a village, industry would not function properly. Consequently we would be deprived of all these amenities. In addition to this, life in a village may be dull. There is not enough entertainment to enjoy. For instance you cannot go to bars and clubs nor watch sports events like a football matches.
    Moreover, universities are not built in villages, so students do not receive higher education there and society does not progress.

    To sum up, people would be much healthier if they lived in a rural environment. However living in a village does not give us many opportunities, nor does it allow us to develop our mental potential. People who value night life and access to shopping centres would be disappointed when they had to move out from cities.

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