for my study abroad I need to write a letter of motivation. Now i got it and I would be really greatful if you could read through it and post your critical opinion.
Dear Sir or Madam,
The reason for this letter of motivation is to convince you of my ability and my wish to study at the ++++ University, Queensland.
Born 22 years ago in Baku, Azerbaijan, I immigrated with my family to Germany at the age of twelve. Grown up in a Russian-speking home surrounded by a German environment I had the great luck to benefit from two cultures and to develop a sophisticated point of view.
Due to my move from Azerbaijan to Germany, I discovered that I can deal the difficulties and challenges that await me in the new country very good. So I have learned the language within a short time and I was quickly integrated into society.
Presently I am studying Economics at my fifth semester. I am especially interested in the areas like Marketing, Management and Entrepreneurship.
In my last semester I had the chance enroll in the subject E-commerce, which coined my personality and my interests. I and my four fellow students worked together with Adidas. Our job was to think up a marketing campaign for the future Paralympics and spread the idea with viral marketing. We have completed the task very well, we also won the competition among the other 15 teams in the university and we were invited to the head quarters of Adidas, where two of us were able to present our work and our campaign. I enjoyed this great time and I have learned to share different tasks with my partners.
Besides of studying I was an active member of the world’s largest international student organization, AIESEC. I have worked for the Incoming-Exchange-Team. My main task was to supervise foreign interns who completed an internship in Nuremberg. I organized internships, contacted companies, did the bureaucratic work, searched suitable housing and planed the cultural program during the stay.
I not only learned much English over this time period by speaking with international students but I got to know young people and their cultures from different countries and continents. It made very much fun to work with them.
For over two years I am an entrepreneur. I run successfully an online shop with hairpieces.
This work enabled me to deepen and to expand all the knowledge acquired in the university. My major tasks are to determine the assortment, to inspect the goods receipt, to place the goods in the shop and to care about the customers.
With it I have discovered such abilities as extraordinary economic understanding and high durability. Sometimes I have worked seven days a week and up to 15 hours a day and that does not bother me, because I run my business with great passion and devotion. By my work I have managed to understand the relationship between practice and theory from economics pretty well.
Even before the beginning of my study I dreamed of living and studying a certain period of time abroad because I wanted not only to get economical qualification but also interpersonal skills. Due to my interests in the English literature and the Anglo-Saxon lifestyle, particularly the multicultural society, Australia with its history and the current situation meets all of these demands.
Trying to find a university, where I can deepen my economical knowledge and could take similar subjects as at the +++-University, I found the +++ University – a highly esteemed University, which offers all the relevant courses of my future study like strategic management, market research and analysis and managing projects.
At the +++ University, I would like to build an extensive network, which provides me with new and interesting friendships with national and international students.
Lastly I would like to say, that I am highly motivated to engage myself and to study at the +++ University, to live in Queensland and to get to know the Australian people.
Therefore I would be very proud and happy to be a representative of my university at your prestigious University.
Hi, I'm not an expert, in fact I was searching for info to write a motivational letter myself, but seeing as no one responded to you, let me make a few corrections of your English:
"In my last semester I had the chance enroll in the..." - Last semester I had the opportunity to enroll...
"It made very much fun to work with them." - It was a lot of fun working with them.
"For over two years I am an entrepreneur" - maybe: I've been an entrepreneur for over two years
I run, successfully, an online shop that sells hairpieces. <- + the commas
"Due to my interest... ...Australia with its history and the current situation meets all of these demands." - Australia seems to be the perfect place for me. (or something)
You use the word "University" to much in the last couple of lines.
Best of luck.