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  1. #1
    Arronjjyy is offline Newbie
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    Default Could you give me some suggestion?

    This is an IELTS writing practice I made today. Could you correct my article? Could you give me some suggestion on my English? Thank you in advance! I am waiting for your help.


    Topic:
    In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and staring university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

    It becomes quite common now, that some families encourage their children to work or travel for a year when they finishing high school study. This may provide a chance for students to think about which field of subject is more suitable for them to learn, but it also exerts subtle trouble for their future learning.

    After the quit nervous and busy learning in high school, students may feel confusing to choose their future course, for they used most time to deal with heavy homework and frequent exams, instead of thinking what they are prefer to develop in university. A year is an excellent time for them to relax their mind, and enable them to concern their next learning plan. By working or travelling their value will be changed and view will be broadened, they will learn what most important thing they want to do is.

    But it is not unusual to see, students who working in the year find they lose the ambition to back to school for an advance study. By working they earn money and become financial independence. They suddenly realize they need not to enter the university. They have found a job and find it is hard to focus their mind to study again. So part of them give up the chance to study.

    My view is that a year time off the study is good for students. Although they may give up studies, but people choose the subject they do not like and spend life long time in that field is most horrible.

  2. #2
    februar's Avatar
    februar is offline Member
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    Default Re: Could you give me some suggestion?

    This is an IELTS writing practice I made today. Could you correct my article? Could you give me some suggestions on my English? Thank you in advance! I am waiting for your help.


    Topic:
    In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

    It is becoming increasingly common now, that some families encourage their children to work or travel for a year when they finishing high school study. This may provide a chance for students to think about which study subject is more suitable for them to learn, but it also can discourage them from their future study plans.

    After leaving high school with its hectic and busy learning program, students may feel confused about choosing their future course.They have to spend most time to deal with difficult homework and frequent exams, instead of thinking what they are prefer to develop in university. A “gap year is an excellent time for them to relax their mind, and enable them to concern themselves with their next learning plan. By working or travelling their value will be changed and view will be broadened, they will learn what the most important thing they want to do is.

    But it is not unusual to see how students who are working in the year find they lose the ambition to go back to school to advance their studies. By working they earn money and gain financial independence. They will suddenly realize that they need not to enter the university. They have found a job and find it is hard to focus their minds on their studies again. So part of them give up the chance to study.

    My view is that a year time off school is good for students. Although they may give up studies, it is even better than people choosing a subject that people do not like and spending life long time working in that field which is the most horrible.

    If they go abroad, you could also mention the advantages of a stay abroad, for example getting to know other cultures, people and languages.

    februar, no teacher

  3. #3
    Arronjjyy is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Could you give me some suggestion?

    Quote Originally Posted by februar View Post
    This is an IELTS writing practice I made today. Could you correct my article? Could you give me some suggestions on my English? Thank you in advance! I am waiting for your help.


    Topic:
    In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

    It is becoming increasingly common now, that some families encourage their children to work or travel for a year when they finishing high school study. This may provide a chance for students to think about which study subject is more suitable for them to learn, but it also can discourage them from their future study plans.

    After leaving high school with its hectic and busy learning program, students may feel confused about choosing their future course.They have to spend most time to deal with difficult homework and frequent exams, instead of thinking what they are prefer to develop in university. A “gap year is an excellent time for them to relax their mind, and enable them to concern themselves with their next learning plan. By working or travelling their value will be changed and view will be broadened, they will learn what the most important thing they want to do is.

    But it is not unusual to see how students who are working in the year find they lose the ambition to go back to school to advance their studies. By working they earn money and gain financial independence. They will suddenly realize that they need not to enter the university. They have found a job and find it is hard to focus their minds on their studies again. So part of them give up the chance to study.

    My view is that a year time off school is good for students. Although they may give up studies, it is even better than people choosing a subject that people do not like and spending life long time working in that field which is the most horrible.

    If they go abroad, you could also mention the advantages of a stay abroad, for example getting to know other cultures, people and languages.

    februar, no teacher
    Thank you very much! I have read your corrections carefully, and your suggestion is very useful! Thank you!

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