[Grammar] Could you please revise this for grammar?

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Csika

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Dear Forum Users,


I wonder if anyone could revise this short paragraph for grammar:


"In contrast to what we saw in examples (8) and (9), however, we do not seem to have an Irreality Space in (10). Both inputs include information about legitimate cultural standards or constitutional human rights: Input Space 1 constitutes an implied reference that a citizen (in our case the murderer) be given access to health care. Input Space 2, on the other hand, is structured by legal or juridical information: the murderer, under the provisions of the law, is sentenced to capital punishment in order to protect (other) citizens from him, who wish(ed) to take lives. Neither of the inputs is ‘irreal’ and also they do not seem to ‘clash’ in exactly the same way as we saw how the inputs get into conflict in examples (8) and (9). The source of tension in (10) is derived from the application of cultural and legitimate standards with diametrically opposite consequences to the very same person."


Thank you very much.

Csika
 

februar

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Sep 10, 2011
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Dear Forum Users,


I wonder if anyone could revise this short paragraph for grammar:


"In contrast to what we saw in the examples (8) and (9), however, we do not seem to have an Irreality Space in (10). Both inputs include information about legitimate cultural standards or constitutional human rights: Input Space 1 constitutes an implied reference that a citizen (in our case the murderer) be given access to health care. Input Space 2, on the other hand, is structured by legal or juridical information: the murderer, under the provisions of the law, is sentenced to capital punishment in order to protect [STRIKE](other)[/STRIKE] the citizens from him, who wishes[STRIKE](ed)[/STRIKE] to take other people’s lives. (As it seems likely that he would kill again, take “wishes” – However, I can’t imagine people to wish killing others. I think that it must be a compulsive act, i.e. someone who feels himself compelled to kill.) Neither of the inputs is ‘irreal’ and also they do not seem to ‘clash’ in exactly the same way as we saw how the inputs get into conflict in the examples (8) and (9). The source of tension in (10) is derived from the application of cultural and legitimate standards with diametrically opposed consequences to the very same person."


Thank you very much.

Csika
Best wishes,
februar, no teacher
 

Csika

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Joined
Jul 9, 2010
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Hungarian
Home Country
Hungary
Current Location
Hungary
Hi Februar,

You are awesome again!

Thank you for your suggestions. :up:

Csika
 
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