In my opinion, this is a great reflective, nostalgic and somewhat inspirational piece of writing. Although there are some minor corrections needed, for example the absence of the article, "the" at some points, I would certainly grade this more than a "C". Nice work.Hi Everyone, first I want to say nice to meet you all here on the forum. Here comes my problem. This semester, I'm in writing 5 witch is my last ESL course I have to take in order to take college level courses.I know wiring is very hard but I'm up for the challenge. I just got my first essay grade back. To my shock I got a "C". I know I do need to improve my writing.That's why I'm in the class. I worked very hard on my essay. I don't expect an"A". But I don't think I deserve a "C". Maybe a "B" will do the justice. I posted my essay bellow. I would like to get opinions from you. Any input will be appreciated. Thanks a lot!
My Path to America----The First Dot
Lately, I have been nostalgic a lot. Yes, it’s holiday season again. By saying that, I’m not talking about Christmas. Many of you may have known it is Spring Festival in China. It’s as important to Chinese as Christmas to Americans. For some no reason, my mind starts filling with memories. Nostalgia sinks in.
I often ask myself why chose the life I’m living right now? What encouraged me, a small town girl of China, to come across the Pacific Ocean and make my home here in the States. Is there really something called destiny? Frankly, I don’t have the answer. But one thing is for sure. If it hadn’t been for that scorching summer afternoon, I would have never met her. My life could have been different.
I was born in a tiny town where Qiang ethnic group have lived for thousands of years. Life is very quiet and peaceful here. Sometimes it’s too quiet and gets rather dull. Like I said, if I had never met her, I would be like the rest of my town folks live here forever.
Near my house there was a University.It had big and beautiful campus. It provided fun environments. Sports courts, creeks and Pavilions are everywhere for college students to play, walk and rest. It’s one of the most desirable place in town. It’s where you go if you want to seek some fun. As a child, I loved to go there just simply wandering. If I were lucky I would find an old ball pen lying on the ground.
That summer before I attended middle school. It was so hot that everyone seemed to be napping. It was also very quiet that you only heard cicadas make noises sporadically. I was bored and decided to take a stroll on the University campus-my ritual routine. Maybe I would find some treasures that college students left behind. “Would you mind playing with me?” Is someone talking to me? I lifted my head and saw a girl as my age (7th Grader) stood in front of me. ”Of course.” I responded promptly. I learned that her name is “XiaoYan” which means little swallow in Chinese. Quickly we became good friends. One day she asked me if I would like to learn some English. “English? What was that? “ My question quickly answered by yes! For I totally adore her. She is so intelligent, so smart. She started to teach me how to say numbers in English. It drew my interests instantly. I was so fascinated by its sounds and also felt so unique. Even just few words, numbers! Later I found out that Yan’s father was an English professor of the University. Yan and I spent the whole summer together. We shared ideas, feelings and of course learned English together. It had a huge impact on me.
My friend Yan has not only taught me English but also introduced a new world to me. It broadened my views of the world and people. Since then I have kept my interest of learning English. I dreamed of one day I could go to the country that speaks English. Like Steve Jobs said in his 2005 speech to Stanford commencement:” you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” I believe that meeting Yan in that hot summer afternoon was the first dot that leads me on the path to America.
Looking back, I can tell you now it’s the curiosity of western culture and admiration of high technology that brought me here. Now I’m going back to school for a better future. Hopefully it will be another dot. As for my dear friend Yan, she is living in China right now. Followed her father’s footsteps became a college teacher. We still talk to each other. We both are happy with the life we chose.
- For Teachers