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  1. #1
    rainforest is offline Newbie
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    Do I deserve a "C"?

    Hi Everyone, first I want to say nice to meet you all here on the forum. Here comes my problem. This semester, I'm in writing 5 witch is my last ESL course I have to take in order to take college level courses.I know wiring is very hard but I'm up for the challenge. I just got my first essay grade back. To my shock I got a "C". I know I do need to improve my writing.That's why I'm in the class. I worked very hard on my essay. I don't expect an"A". But I don't think I deserve a "C". Maybe a "B" will do the justice. I posted my essay bellow. I would like to get opinions from you. Any input will be appreciated. Thanks a lot!



    My Path to America----The First Dot

    Lately, I have been nostalgic a lot. Yes, it’s holiday season again. By saying that, I’m not talking about Christmas. Many of you may have known it is Spring Festival in China. It’s as important to Chinese as Christmas to Americans. For some no reason, my mind starts filling with memories. Nostalgia sinks in.

    I often ask myself why chose the life I’m living right now? What encouraged me, a small town girl of China, to come across the Pacific Ocean and make my home here in the States. Is there really something called destiny? Frankly, I don’t have the answer. But one thing is for sure. If it hadn’t been for that scorching summer afternoon, I would have never met her. My life could have been different.

    I was born in a tiny town where Qiang ethnic group have lived for thousands of years. Life is very quiet and peaceful here. Sometimes it’s too quiet and gets rather dull. Like I said, if I had never met her, I would be like the rest of my town folks live here forever.

    Near my house there was a University.It had big and beautiful campus. It provided fun environments. Sports courts, creeks and Pavilions are everywhere for college students to play, walk and rest. It’s one of the most desirable place in town. It’s where you go if you want to seek some fun. As a child, I loved to go there just simply wandering. If I were lucky I would find an old ball pen lying on the ground.

    That summer before I attended middle school. It was so hot that everyone seemed to be napping. It was also very quiet that you only heard cicadas make noises sporadically. I was bored and decided to take a stroll on the University campus-my ritual routine. Maybe I would find some treasures that college students left behind. “Would you mind playing with me?” Is someone talking to me? I lifted my head and saw a girl as my age (7th Grader) stood in front of me. ”Of course.” I responded promptly. I learned that her name is “XiaoYan” which means little swallow in Chinese. Quickly we became good friends. One day she asked me if I would like to learn some English. “English? What was that? “ My question quickly answered by yes! For I totally adore her. She is so intelligent, so smart. She started to teach me how to say numbers in English. It drew my interests instantly. I was so fascinated by its sounds and also felt so unique. Even just few words, numbers! Later I found out that Yan’s father was an English professor of the University. Yan and I spent the whole summer together. We shared ideas, feelings and of course learned English together. It had a huge impact on me.

    My friend Yan has not only taught me English but also introduced a new world to me. It broadened my views of the world and people. Since then I have kept my interest of learning English. I dreamed of one day I could go to the country that speaks English. Like Steve Jobs said in his 2005 speech to Stanford commencement:” you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” I believe that meeting Yan in that hot summer afternoon was the first dot that leads me on the path to America.

    Looking back, I can tell you now it’s the curiosity of western culture and admiration of high technology that brought me here. Now I’m going back to school for a better future. Hopefully it will be another dot. As for my dear friend Yan, she is living in China right now. Followed her father’s footsteps became a college teacher. We still talk to each other. We both are happy with the life we chose.

  2. #2
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Re: Do I deserve a "C"?

    Quote Originally Posted by rainforest View Post
    Hi Everyone, first I want to say nice to meet you all here on the forum. Here comes my problem. This semester, I'm in writing 5 witch is my last ESL course I have to take in order to take college level courses.I know wiring is very hard but I'm up for the challenge. I just got my first essay grade back. To my shock I got a "C". I know I do need to improve my writing.That's why I'm in the class. I worked very hard on my essay. I don't expect an"A". But I don't think I deserve a "C". Maybe a "B" will do the justice. I posted my essay bellow. I would like to get opinions from you. Any input will be appreciated. Thanks a lot!



    My Path to America----The First Dot

    Lately, I have been nostalgic a lot. Yes, it’s holiday season again. By saying that, I’m not talking about Christmas. Many of you may have known it is Spring Festival in China. It’s as important to Chinese as Christmas to Americans. For some no reason, my mind starts filling with memories. Nostalgia sinks in.

    I often ask myself why chose the life I’m living right now? What encouraged me, a small town girl of China, to come across the Pacific Ocean and make my home here in the States. Is there really something called destiny? Frankly, I don’t have the answer. But one thing is for sure. If it hadn’t been for that scorching summer afternoon, I would have never met her. My life could have been different.

    I was born in a tiny town where Qiang ethnic group have lived for thousands of years. Life is very quiet and peaceful here. Sometimes it’s too quiet and gets rather dull. Like I said, if I had never met her, I would be like the rest of my town folks live here forever.

    Near my house there was a University.It had big and beautiful campus. It provided fun environments. Sports courts, creeks and Pavilions are everywhere for college students to play, walk and rest. It’s one of the most desirable place in town. It’s where you go if you want to seek some fun. As a child, I loved to go there just simply wandering. If I were lucky I would find an old ball pen lying on the ground.

    That summer before I attended middle school. It was so hot that everyone seemed to be napping. It was also very quiet that you only heard cicadas make noises sporadically. I was bored and decided to take a stroll on the University campus-my ritual routine. Maybe I would find some treasures that college students left behind. “Would you mind playing with me?” Is someone talking to me? I lifted my head and saw a girl as my age (7th Grader) stood in front of me. ”Of course.” I responded promptly. I learned that her name is “XiaoYan” which means little swallow in Chinese. Quickly we became good friends. One day she asked me if I would like to learn some English. “English? What was that? “ My question quickly answered by yes! For I totally adore her. She is so intelligent, so smart. She started to teach me how to say numbers in English. It drew my interests instantly. I was so fascinated by its sounds and also felt so unique. Even just few words, numbers! Later I found out that Yan’s father was an English professor of the University. Yan and I spent the whole summer together. We shared ideas, feelings and of course learned English together. It had a huge impact on me.

    My friend Yan has not only taught me English but also introduced a new world to me. It broadened my views of the world and people. Since then I have kept my interest of learning English. I dreamed of one day I could go to the country that speaks English. Like Steve Jobs said in his 2005 speech to Stanford commencement:” you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” I believe that meeting Yan in that hot summer afternoon was the first dot that leads me on the path to America.

    Looking back, I can tell you now it’s the curiosity of western culture and admiration of high technology that brought me here. Now I’m going back to school for a better future. Hopefully it will be another dot. As for my dear friend Yan, she is living in China right now. Followed her father’s footsteps became a college teacher. We still talk to each other. We both are happy with the life we chose.
    In my opinion, this is a great reflective, nostalgic and somewhat inspirational piece of writing. Although there are some minor corrections needed, for example the absence of the article, "the" at some points, I would certainly grade this more than a "C". Nice work.

  3. #3
    rainforest is offline Newbie
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    Thank you much!

    Thanks for your input. It does make me feel a little better.Like I mentioned earlier I do need to improve my writing skill. However it's not O.K. to get a "C" while the majority of my class got an "A". So for what I can understand is my essay either really bad or the rest of classmates just are superior.Either way I need work extra hard.

  4. #4
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    5jj is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Do I deserve a "C"?

    Why not discuss it with your teacher? Find out what s/he thinks is lacking. It may simply be that you did not write the type of essay you were asked to write.

  5. #5
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Re: Thank you much!

    Quote Originally Posted by rainforest View Post
    Thanks for your input. It does make me feel a little better.Like I mentioned earlier I do need to improve my writing skill. However it's not O.K. to get a "C" while the majority of my class got an "A". So for what I can understand is my essay either really bad or the rest of classmates just are superior.Either way I need work extra hard.
    In addition to 5jj's comments, I am curious as to whether your instructor is a native English speaker.

  6. #6
    rainforest is offline Newbie
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    Re: Do I deserve a "C"?

    Thanks 5jj for your response. It's a very good suggestion.The essay I posted above is the one I turned in. When I got my graded essay back, my instructor did point out my mistakes. The instructor said it's a good story but I have to be really careful with the grammar, nothing more. I agreed with her. I felt since my essay has been graded,there is no way I could change her mind. It's the "C" in her opinion.I was really beat by the "C" and depressed. I started to doubt myself. That's why I decided to seek the second opinion. This way, I may regain my confidence. After read your guys' responses. I feel much better now. It's just the beginning, I have the whole semester ahead of me. I would like to put the very first "C" behind and move forward.Thanks again!

  7. #7
    rainforest is offline Newbie
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    Re: Do I deserve a "C"?

    Hi billmcd, my instructor is a native English speaker.

  8. #8
    5jj's Avatar
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    Re: Do I deserve a "C"?

    Quote Originally Posted by rainforest View Post
    Lately, I have been nostalgic a lot. Yes, it’s holiday season again. By saying that, I’m not talking about Christmas. Many of you may have known it is Spring Festival in China. It’s as important to Chinese as Christmas to Americans. For some no reason, my mind starts filling with memories. Nostalgia sinks in.

    I often ask myself why chose the life I’m living right now? What encouraged me, a small town girl of China, to come across the Pacific Ocean and make my home here in the States. Is there really something called destiny? Frankly, I don’t have the answer. But one thing is for sure. If it hadn’t been for that scorching summer afternoon, I would have never met her. My life could have been different.

    I was born in a tiny town whereQiang ethnic group have lived for thousands of years. Life is very quiet and peaceful here. Sometimes it’s too quiet and gets rather dull. Like I said, if I had never met her, I would be like the rest of my town folks live here forever.

    Near my house there was a University. It had big and beautiful campus. It provided fun environments. Sports courts, creeks and Pavilions are everywhere for college students to play, walk and rest. It’s one of the most desirable place in town. It’s where you go if you want to seek some fun. As a child, I loved to go there just simply wandering. If I were lucky I would find an old ball pen lying on the ground.

    That summer before I attended middle school. It was so hot that everyone seemed to be napping. It was also very quiet that you only heard cicadas make noises sporadically. I was bored and decided to take a stroll on the University campus-my ritual routine. Maybe I would find some treasures that college students left behind. “Would you mind playing with me?” Is someone talking to me? I lifted my head and saw a girl as my age (7th Grader) stood in front of me. ”Of course.” I responded promptly. I learned that her name is “XiaoYan” which meanslittle swallowin Chinese. Quickly we became good friends. One day she asked me if I would like to learn some English. “English? What was that? “ My question quickly answered by yes! For I totally adore her. She is so intelligent, so smart. She started to teach me how to say numbers in English. It drew my interests instantly. I was so fascinated by its sounds and also felt so unique. Even just few words, numbers! Later I found out that Yan’s father was an English professor of the University. Yan and I spent the whole summer together. We shared ideas, feelings and of course learned English together. It had a huge impact on me.
    I have underlined some of the things that would concern me if I were teaching an ESL class. I don't know how appropriate a grade C is - for that I'd need to know the grading criteria, and also the range, A-C, A-E, A-?.

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