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  1. #1
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    Rephrasing an awkward sentence

    I am writing an abstract of an essay for homework and am looking for a way to rephrase the following sentence in order to avoid the repetition of 'to'. 'to attempt to' sounds awkward.

    " It is in fact exactly this absence of a harmonious ‘state of unity’ that inevitably induces the reader, and thus the critic, to attempt to grasp the inexistent innermost core of the story. "

    Any help would be appreciated greatly.

  2. #2
    MrPedantic is offline Moderator
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    Re: Rephrasing an awkward sentence

    Hello Northstar

    "To attempt to" sounds fine to me. It isn't a blemish. Besides, in spoken English, the vowel values of the two to's would differ, as the first precedes another vowel.

    MrP

  3. #3
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    Re: Rephrasing an awkward sentence

    I am aware of that, yet graphically there are still two instances of 'to' too close to each other. It's just for stylistic reasons, I'm kind of a perfectionist when it comes to academic writing.

  4. #4
    MrPedantic is offline Moderator
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    Re: Rephrasing an awkward sentence

    Maybe:

    "It is in fact exactly this absence of a harmonious ‘state of unity’ that inevitably induces the reader's (and thus the critic's) attempt to grasp the inexistent innermost core of the story."

    (Are you sure you want to use "inexistent", by the way?)

    MrP

  5. #5
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    Re: Rephrasing an awkward sentence

    hmmm, you're right, I hadn't given it any attention. I'll use non-existent instead.

  6. #6
    MrPedantic is offline Moderator
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    Re: Rephrasing an awkward sentence

    I wonder too whether there's an element of tautology in "innermost core".

    MrP

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