Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    CrystalD is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    1
    Post Thanks / Like

    Please help with question on Argument Essay

    Hello everyone, I have to fix my argument essay but all the teacher told me was " There are some grand generalizations made in the essay that you need to address. Remember to use qualifying terms to keep from having these grand generalizations." If any one knows more about grand generalizations and can give me an example of one in my essay it would help tremendously! I don't know what to change, cause I am not sure what is wrong

    Going Green: It Starts With Us
    Many people often wonder what the best foods are for themselves and their families. In a world that is constantly trying to achieve maximum health, it is no question why more people are turning towards a vegetarian lifestyle. New studies suggest that a well balanced diet could be the key to a long life. The daily fight for world hunger could be put to an end if more people simply knew the facts. There are several reasons people choose to follow a vegetarian diet instead of a meat based diet. Not only does a vegetarian diet improve one’s personal health, it is better on the environment and the well-being of animals.

    Research has proven that meat is not an essential part of our diets and that it is actually healthier for people to avoid it all together. Health tends to be the main reason people switch to a vegetarian diet. Every nutrient which is necessary for human development can be obtained through plant foods. Several studies have shown that consuming meat greatly increases the risk of heart disease, which is the number one killer in America. There is also a strong correlation between eating meat and several diseases such as diabetes, osteoporosis, arthritis, cancer and obesity. Meat is high in saturated fats and deficient in carbohydrates. Vegetarians tend to be thinner and live longer than carnivores.

    Diet is the most crucial attribute of human behavior in concerns to environmental impacts. The world’s current economic crisis could be ended if people changed their diet alone. Each day energy is wasted in the process of feeding the animals that will eventually feed the humans. At the moment, cattle and livestock consume majority of the grains which are produced in the United States. These grains which are being used to fatten animals that are being raised for food could be used to feed millions of hungry people.

    Every year in the United States, billions of animals are raised in inhumane environments then brutally slaughtered for nothing other than human consumption. At these factories animals are kept in extremely overcrowded crates and cages without enough room to even turn around or take a single step. These animals often do not even see sunlight until the day they are being taken to the slaughter house. There is no question that animals feel pain and fear quite similar to humans. Knowing that meat consumption is unnecessary, it is inhumane and unethical to kill animals while there is an abundance of plant foods available.

    Vegetarianism is an important cause that most people simply do not understand. Cutting meat products out of your diet can prevent, treat and even reverse certain degenerative diseases. Following a vegetarian lifestyle is not only good for one’s health, but it also has a positive impact on the world. One way to help diminish unnecessary suffering and killing of animals is to stop using them as a source of food. A well balanced vegetarian diet provides better health and a safer environment while helping cause less pain to innocent animals.

  2. #2
    Barb_D's Avatar
    Barb_D is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    17,516
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Please help with question on Argument Essay

    I have highlighted parts that I find to be generalizations. I've put qualifying terms in bold.

    Quote Originally Posted by CrystalD View Post
    Hello everyone, I have to fix my argument essay but all the teacher told me was " There are some grand generalizations made in the essay that you need to address. Remember to use qualifying terms to keep from having these grand generalizations." If any one knows more about grand generalizations and can give me an example of one in my essay it would help tremendously! I don't know what to change, cause I am not sure what is wrong

    Going Green: It Starts With Us
    Many people often wonder what the best foods are for themselves and their families. In a world that is constantly trying to achieve maximum health, it is no question why more people are turning towards a vegetarian lifestyle. New studies suggest that a well balanced diet could be the key to a long life. The daily fight for world hunger could be put to an end if more people simply knew the facts. There are several reasons people choose to follow a vegetarian diet instead of a meat based diet. Not only does a vegetarian diet improve one’s personal health, it is better on the environment and the well-being of animals.

    Research has proven that meat is not an essential part of our diets and that it is actually healthier for people to avoid it all together. Health tends to be the main reason people switch to a vegetarian diet. Every nutrient which is necessary for human development can be obtained through plant foods. Several studies have shown that consuming meat greatly increases the risk of heart disease, which is the number one killer in America. [As long as you have facts from a reliable source, this is not a generalizaiton, but simply a fact.] There is also a strong correlation between eating meat and several diseases such as diabetes, osteoporosis, arthritis, cancer and obesity. Meat is high in saturated fats and deficient in carbohydrates. Vegetarians tend to be thinner and live longer than carnivores. NOTE: People who eat meat in their diets are not carnivores. Carnivores eat ONLY meat, and no fruits, grains, vegetables, etc.

    These two sentences are extreme examples of generalization --"the most crucial"? You better cite data from reliable sources that show this. Vegetarians running around Hummers and sucking down one disposable plastic bottle of water after another will have some pretty netagive impacts as well. Diet is the most crucial attribute of human behavior in concerns to environmental impacts. The world’s current economic crisis could be ended if people changed their diet alone. Each day energy is wasted in the process of feeding the animals that will eventually feed the humans. At the moment, cattle and livestock consume majority of the grains which are produced in the United States. These grains which are being used to fatten animals that are being raised for food could be used to feed millions of hungry people.

    Every year in the United States, Your section here implies that every single animal consumed is treated in this way. This is clearly not true, and in fact there are laws and pending laws to address the cruetly aspects. You need to tone this part down. billions of animals are raised in inhumane environments then brutally slaughtered for nothing other than human consumption. At these factories animals are kept in extremely overcrowded crates and cages without enough room to even turn around or take a single step. These animals often do not even see sunlight until the day they are being taken to the slaughter house. There is no question that animals feel pain and fear quite similar to humans. Knowing that meat consumption is unnecessary, it is inhumane and unethical to kill animals while there is an abundance of plant foods available.

    Vegetarianism is an important cause that most people simply do not understand. Cutting meat products out of your diet can prevent, treat and even reverse certain degenerative diseases. Do you have facts to say that it can reverse disease? Following a vegetarian lifestyle is not only good for one’s health, but it also has a positive impact on the world. One way to help diminish unnecessary suffering and killing of animals is to stop using them as a source of food. A well balanced vegetarian diet provides better health and a safer environment while helping cause less pain to innocent animals.
    Your writing is good. The only grammar issue I saw was "well-balanced" needing a hyphen. I agree with your teacher. Unless you have facts and can cite them, some of your statements will create doubt, and suggesting that all hunger and the entire world's energy issues could be solved if the globe went vegetarian is just too much.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

Similar Threads

  1. [Essay] Argument Essay Help
    By justin in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 30-Oct-2009, 00:39
  2. [Essay] Grade my Argument essay
    By mejiar81 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 23-Mar-2009, 00:05
  3. Review my argument essay
    By mejiar81 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 21-Mar-2009, 05:10
  4. argument essay
    By Unregistered in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 05-Nov-2007, 04:01
  5. Pls comment this argument essay for GRE AW:)
    By creative in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 30-Aug-2006, 02:06

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •